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Irooku Navias
Irooku
post Jun 30 2012, 12:57 AM
Post #1


Pokémon Trainer
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Name: Irooku Navias
Age: 18
Hometown: Lavaridge Town

Appearance: Irooku is a light skinned adult male. He has Short cropped red hair cut to his earlobes that he always keeps that way with an occasional spike to it. He has deep purple eyes that he has yet to see on other people. He is about six feet tall and weights 185 pounds. He's got a heavily built body that reflects a lot of constant physical training. He has no scars or facial hair on his body. Irooku wears a black tee with a long black coat that almost goes down to the bottom of his feet (so he doesn't accidentally trip). He wears black jeans that are tight but not too tight for him to maneuver in. He wears black shoes and he wears black gloves that are cut short at the middle of his fingers. He likes occasionally wear a single diamond in each ear.

Personality: Irooku's personality is almost like a a heroic one even though he doesn't like/want to think that he is, he trys to have an intimidating attitude towards others to keep them pushed away, and he despises when people unfairingly team up on people ( he thinks battles should only be a one on one battle or a fair team battle not ten vs one or two, he hates people who steal pokemon and use deception to win battles and hurt people. He believes in the codes honor and chivalry. He is generally a calm person and tends to have a cool head in a troubling or hard situation. Unfortunately Irooku tends to loose control of his anger and feelings towards people who use their pokemon for evil, which is the only thing that causes him to loose the cool headedness that he has. He is always fair to his pokemon (he thinks of them as not just companions but as family) and the people around him. He tends to try to not judge people and give them the benefit of the doubt and likes to think that they are good minded people and not crooks until he gets to know them or sees the way they treat people and pokemon.

Biography: Irooku has had a troubled and dark past even though he's only 18 and doens't like to talk about his past with anyone. He likes to keep that a mystery. When He was just six years old his brother died during a battle by a hit from a pokemon's attack that was directed for him (with his brother pushing him out of the way and taking the hit for himself) protecting their home from thugs. Since then Irooku has never been the same, he went from a good mannered kid to getting in trouble a lot. When he was 13 he set out with the four pokemon that his brother gave him as eggs for a present one birthday, it was the last thing he ever had to do with his brother, to get his revenge on the thugs that murdered his brother and ended up succeeding. Irookuis usually calm in most situations but tends ot loose that when the memory his brother during a battle and ends up loosing control of his anger when he battles a person who causes anyone pain because they want to use their power to control any and everyone. After that he never forgave himself for the wrong he did to the people who took his brother away and devoted himself to a life of wandering alone and helping people from bad guys. For the five years that he has been adventuring, Irooku has traveled and lived among pokemon in the wild getting stronger by training so that he might be able to help all people in a time of need. Irooku tends to hide things like happines or even a smile in fear that he might build a bond with another person, which he made a vow to himself after his brother died to never feel that kind of pain again. His past is the reason he hates people like the ones who use their power to hurt people and pokemon in anyway and will stop at nothing if he comes across a person like that to help out the innocent. He wears all black clothing for the mourning of his brother and to carry the burden of his past and the bad things that he commited in rage of his brothers death for the rest of his days. Irooku gained his brothers love for fire type pokemon and tends to lean towards using them more than any other type although he loves all pokemon. The only thing people know about him is that he's from the Hoenn region. Irooku keeps away from his hometown mainly because of the memory that he has of his parents abandoning him and his brother when they were young, causing his older brother to take charge and raise Irooku. Irooku came to Furoh in hopes of new training to further his strength and the strength and bonds of his pokemon.

Class: Trainer

Starting Pokemon: Charmander (5), Ponyta (5), Growlithe (5), Cyndiquil (5)

Items: (x10) pokeballs, (x10) potions, poketch

What is the biscuit's name? Scheherazade
Other Notes:


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Irooku
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Toogee
post Jun 30 2012, 06:49 AM
Post #2


Weak Livered Milk Drinker
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And a Golurk



Normally, we would ask for two five sentence paragraphs for the appearance section. Since it is reasonably detailed, I'll let it slide. In the future though, you may want to vary sentence structure. Having every sentence begin with "He" tends to get repetitive and consequently a bit dull.

In the personality, this sentence confused me:

he tends to loose control of his anger and feelings towards people like this, but he is generally a calm person and tends to have a cool head in a troubling or hard situation.

Can you elaborate? How can he tend to lose control but also tend to keep a cool head? They are complete opposites. Also, watch out for run-on sentences, particularly that last sentence. This section could also use some proofreading: I see a few misplaced parentheses and commas that make reading this a bit confusing.

Having a mysterious past is a poor excuse not to have a bio. Just because you write the bio here does not mean every character in PANE is going to know all about it. The bio would help explain his heroic tendencies, why he only has fire pokemon, and maybe even why he only wears black clothes. This would also be a good place to explain how he met his pokemon. Since they are like family to Irooku, I assume you have more to say on their history with their trainer. Also, why did he move to Furoh?


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Yzarc Drowsnam
post Jun 17 2013, 10:03 PM
Post #3


Omar comin'
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Hi Irooku.

So, I want to get this thing approved so you can get out there and start roleplaying, but we need to talk about just a few things before moving forward with this. Please keep in mind, I'm here to help, so if you have any questions, feel free to PM me or just comment in this topic.

Appearance: All in all, I'd say this is fine. It's good to talk about how people perceive your character as well as how he dresses and looks, but you don't necessarily need to make edits. What I mean by "how people perceive" is, how does he carry himself? Does he smile? Is it a nice smile, or is it awkward? When people look at him, is he intimidating or soothing? Things like that help us really get to know your character.

Personality: It's kind of all over the place, but I think that's okay. Everybody's personality is all over the place. However, in Toogee's post above mine, he points out the following quote:

QUOTE
he tends to loose control of his anger and feelings towards people like this, but he is generally a calm person and tends to have a cool head in a troubling or hard situation.


Which you didn't remove or expand upon. I need you to clarify what you mean by this. If he loses control, then how does he have a cool head in troubling situations?

Bio: We know what happened when he was six, and then we know he set out on his pokemon adventure when he was thirteen. But he's 18 now. You skipped his entire teenage years. What was he doing between age 13 and 18? Just adventuring? Wandering around with only his pokemon?

The bio is a very important part of your character, and I feel like you kind of just rushed through it. After all, we are defined by our experiences, especially at such an impressionable age as Irooku. So, think about what all he's been up to.

Also, think about how he came to Furoh in the first place. Why did he decide to come, and how did he get here? How did his parents feel about it?


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Irooku
post Jun 19 2013, 02:13 PM
Post #4


Pokémon Trainer
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From: Imperial Beach
Member No.: 166 577

Navian Conquerors



[quote name='Yzarc Drowsnam' date='Jun 17 2013, 08:03 PM' post='2342820']

Hey I made some edits, following your advice, and hopefully it helps to understand Irooku a lot better. like for example I changed:

"he tends to loose control of his anger and feelings towards people like this, but he is generally a calm person and tends to have a cool head in a troubling or hard situation." with:

He is generally a calm person and tends to have a cool head in a troubling or hard situation. Unfortunately Irooku tends to loose control of his anger and feelings towards people who use their pokemon for evil, which is the only thing that causes him to loose the cool headedness that he has.

And added a couple things like what he did for the five years between the ages of 13 and 18, and a sinario for "Also, think about how he came to Furoh in the first place. Why did he decide to come, and how did he get here? How did his parents feel about it? " and a couple of other tweaks like how people perceive him.

Hope this helps. Please message me if there is anything more that might need to be changed or added. I really want to be apart of this forum, I heard that it is really awesome from a freind and want to be apart of this great community.


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Yzarc Drowsnam
post Jun 20 2013, 12:46 AM
Post #5


Omar comin'
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Good job! This is much better.

I approve this profile. Go ahead and post in the Current Levels thread.

Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help. Have fun!


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Currently In: Back in the Zone[/spoiler]
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