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LGBTQ Thread, Issues and other Topics, Where people can find others like them
Gryphaena
post Jul 13 2015, 07:07 PM
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QUOTE(Stinko @ Jul 13 2015, 05:04 PM) *
QUOTE(Gryphaena @ Jul 13 2015, 04:57 PM) *
Everyone who wants a relationship should be able to find that wonderful, understanding person. It's awesome that you found him. :]

As I said, I'm still learning about this community.

Would you be comfortable sharing a few common stereotypes about bisexual people?

sure! ill list the ones i know off the top of my head. a lot of people assume that bisexual people are just "confused" on which sex they are interested, and others just find them flat out greedy for being interested in both. some people also think that bisexual people are the quickest to cheat in a relationship because of their two sex preference. or that bisexuals sleep around a lot.

most of the stereotypes ive seen have been that sort of thing. i know that there are some people in the lgbt community that dont want to include bisexuals, especially if they are in a hetero relationship. it's just stupid stuff in my opinion, but i cant do much except prove people wrong through my actions.


So bisexuals are sorta looked down on in the community if they're in a straight relationship? I find that rather sad.

I guess our actions are the only way we can prove others wrong.


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Stinko
post Jul 13 2015, 07:09 PM
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QUOTE(Gryphaena @ Jul 13 2015, 05:07 PM) *
So bisexuals are sorta looked down on in the community if they're in a straight relationship? I find that rather sad.

I guess our actions are the only way we can prove others wrong.

yeah, but not everyone looks down on us. there are tons of people who are supportive of bisexuals along with all the other sexualities which is great to see. there will always be toxic and negative people in a community. it just comes down to tuning them out and continuing to do what you do.


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Gryphaena
post Jul 13 2015, 07:10 PM
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QUOTE(Stinko @ Jul 13 2015, 05:09 PM) *
yeah, but not everyone looks down on us. there are tons of people who are supportive of bisexuals along with all the other sexualities which is great to see. there will always be toxic and negative people in a community. it just comes down to tuning them out and continuing to do what you do.


Yeah, there's always going to be some bad apples in the batch.


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Heal
post Jul 13 2015, 10:20 PM
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I'm bisexual but currently in a het relationship.

sometimes I feel like I'm not allowed to be included in LGBTQ things because I didn't really think of myself as bi till maybe december/january? idk, I'm scared of pushing myself into a safe space that I shouldn't be. I've never been in a relationship with a female so sometimes I'm afraid of being taken the wrong way or something... ; q ;


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Azor Ahai
post Jul 13 2015, 11:24 PM
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What I've seen as it pertains to bisexuals is that when it is made public one seems to almost always face the stereotype of being in the closet, as having the identifying orientation of being bisexual, (some of) those whom are attracted to solely their same gender use it as a stepping stone to fully coming out. The gay people that I've come across and the pieces that I've read have suggested that those who use it as a leeway into fully accepting themselves think that it would "soften the blow" of coming out to those who have a hard time accepting one outside of the heteronormative. It isn't done in malice but it has real negative consequences to those that are actually bi because one tends to assume that this person is simply contending with themselves over being gay. The promiscuous slander is done out of the thought process of us being "greedy" and that one sex can never satisfy us, so if we are dating a woman we'd most likely cheat with a man as a woman does not possess the element a male can bring to us and vice versa, another example of the homophobic viewpoint in ignorance.

Another problem is that some women have a hard time being with a man who has the capacity to be with another man, she worries that she cannot satisfy him which is another ignorant view. Bisexual women also face the stigma of their sexuality being an attempt to be "special" and that they could never be satisfied with another woman as men are soo great, an example of one who cannot fathom an option or answer outside of the heterosexual.


QUOTE(Heal @ Jul 13 2015, 11:20 PM) *
I'm bisexual but currently in a het relationship.

sometimes I feel like I'm not allowed to be included in LGBTQ things because I didn't really think of myself as bi till maybe december/january? idk, I'm scared of pushing myself into a safe space that I shouldn't be. I've never been in a relationship with a female so sometimes I'm afraid of being taken the wrong way or something... ; q ;


If you feel comfortable enough to identifyyourself as bisexual then you are definitely included, hell, even if you were straigth as the LGBT+ movement affects us all.


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Gryphaena
post Jul 16 2015, 10:40 AM
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Wow, that's a lot to think about, Azor.

@Heal: I don't think you have to have a relationship with a person of the same or opposite sex to figure out you're part of that group.

My Aunt told me there are nuns who consider themselves lesbian but they stay celibate.

I think I'm going to stay celibate, I know I definitely shouldn't be a parent right now.

My position might change in the future, but I don't think so.




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kaseykg
post Jul 17 2015, 11:16 AM
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I'm basically still in the closet.
Im a 22 year old bisexual female. Sexually I am more attracted to women, but emotionally I am more attracted to men. Anything I've had with a woman was always purely sexual, and therefore I typically feel there isnt a need for me to share my orientation with most people. I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years and we plan on getting married some time in the next 5. If I am ever with a woman again it would be someone we bring into our bedroom, which is another reason I feel no need to tell most people. My close friends, boyfriend, and one family member knows. If someone were to out right ask me I wouldn't lie, but its not something I just go telling everyone.


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Gryphaena
post Jul 17 2015, 12:00 PM
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@kaseykg: I've only had crushes when i was younger (say middle school and high school) so i wasn't aware that it is possible for emotional attraction and sexual attraction to be separate.

It's wonderful that you've found the person you plan to marry. :]


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DJ Majja Kool
post Jul 26 2015, 10:58 PM
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@reply above: Romantic attraction is separate from sexual attraction. Most people experience both, but there are some people who only experience romantic attraction, some who only experience sexual attraction, and some who don't experience either. AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) is a good place to find more information on the topic :]

This post has been edited by DJ Majja Kool: May 20 2019, 09:24 AM


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Gryphaena
post Jul 27 2015, 10:29 AM
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@DJ Majja: Thank you for the information. I'll look up AVEN when I can.


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Mikaku Onchi
post Jul 29 2015, 03:45 PM
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I'm an assexual female, only fell in love with women and had a...disgusting situation with a man. I'm not confortable enough to talk about it here but that didn't made me feel sick of men in general. Like you Gryphaena, I suffer from a mental illness (bipolar disorder), which is pretty much stable thanks to the medication I'm taking.
Like bisexual people, assexuals are sometimes unaccepted by society because people keep saying we don't "exist", that this is just a phase and we're just confused. "Oh it just happens because you haven't had sex yet, when you have you'll like it". NO. It isn't like that. Many assexuals had sex, just don't feel any sexual attraction and any will to have sex.


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Gryphaena
post Jul 29 2015, 09:03 PM
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@ Mikaku: I hope the people close to you understand and are supportive of your situation.

I'm glad my medication doesn't have the annoying side effect of making me thirsty like my previous one did.

It was not fun.

I read a comment on another website of forums that went something like "straights are called straights because they haven't lost their marbles".

I wonder why there are still people that don't understand that homosexuality is not a mental illness.


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Yamato Tenzou
post Aug 12 2015, 07:26 PM
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hello yes I'm just tiny pansexual girl with a bisexual boyfriend ayyy

I've had my fair share of experimentation in my life, since over the past couple years (like last 5) I've transitioned from a cisgendered girl to a transguy to agender and back to cis female. I honestly feel like agender is the closest thing to how I feel but I'm too lazy to correct people and dont care enough for it either. It's been a wild ride..

i never dated a boy until my past 2 relationships and ive been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now....

i honestly just dont care enough about labels to cover myself with them.

(also my borderline personality disorder feels)


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Gryphaena
post Aug 12 2015, 11:04 PM
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@Takahashi: Hello! I'm glad people still see my thread. :]

Apparently some people have the Acronyms as "LGBTQI" and the I stands for intersex, as in the people who were born with both male and female parts.

They are part of society but many have undergone surgery when they could not choose (meaning as infants) that determined if they would be considered male or female by a society that prefers to keep things simple.

I think I should revise the title to include them as well.

What do you think?

Here is a link to the Intersex Society of North America if curious. http://www.isna.org/node/138

I would think that other countries have their own societies but this was the second result when i searched Google with the phrase "intersex people are mutilated".


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SilverKitChase
post Sep 5 2015, 11:12 PM
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First of all I just want to say WOW! I had zero hope of seeing anything about Asexuality in this thread and I think I could cry I'm so happy.

First things first, I'm AFAB and I just turned 21. I identify as Asexual, Demi-panromantic and Nonbinary. I actually just got home from a conference like two or three weeks ago on Queer Theory, Religion and Science, VERY interesting, almost nothing about Asexuality though.

As an Asexual I feel... isolated? Bisexuals, Pansexuals and Asexuals are all sort of left out of the LGBT+ Community, which is absolutely ridiculous. Humans suffer from a very Binary way of thinking. Male/Female. Boy/Girl. Rich/Poor. Straight/Gay. So on and so forth. So people who fall somewhere outside those binaries get excluded and unfortunately pressured into trying to fit in as much as possible. So in the LGBT+ community, you have the "normal" (What's acceptable), and then you have the abnormal (sexualities that involve attraction to more then one gender or none at all).

Like Bisexuals and Pansexuals, Asexuals are either told that they're in the closet, or really just straight and trying to be a "special snowflake". While Heterosexuals can understand homosexuality or even bi and pansexuality on SOME level, No one can really understand asexuality in the same way that Asexuals can't really understand Allosexuals. How do you understand a feeling you've never experienced? How do you understand the lack of a feeling that you consider essential to being human?

There's a real problem with a lack of education, at least in America. It has taken me 7 or 8 years to understand my SEXUAL orientation. The past 2 or 3 were spent on separating Sexual and Romantic Orientation. And for the moment I use Nonbinary because it feels right and it gives me a sense of who I am but that is still very much a new area of study and self exploration. I've only been questioning that for about a year. But I bring up education because the LACK of education about gender identities and sexuality caused me a LOT of suffering. For instance, When I was a kid I SWORE I was a boy. I was 110% sure that I would NEVER develop breasts. I HATED being "female". When I cut my hair short and started refusing to wear female clothes, I hated being dragged out of the women's restrooms by people who didn't know me. Thankfully I've sort of come to accept that I'm not really either gender but it took SO much longer then it should have.

Another thing the lack of education royally screwed up was in teaching about Sexuality. Not going to get into details but going through high school, seeing people making out against doors, hearing them talk about their SO's... it REALLY screwed me up. I had Boyfriends. I don't think I was ever single for more then a month or two during high school... But the only word you could really use to describe me would have been naive. I thought hormones were a myth. And then I thought I was broken. Cause sure I LIKED my boyfriends, I Loved them. But I had zero sexual desire directed towards them. I couldn't figure out why I didn't seem to want what everybody else wanted. I've never had sex. But I did let people touch me in ways that I HATED because I thought that would fix me.

I have a severe social anxiety disorder, a general anxiety disorder, depression and a sensory processing disorder. They all affect one another. I'm sure I don't have to explain anxiety or depression but the sensory thing is a bit different and a newer field of research. I get very easily overloaded which causes me to have panic attacks. My biggest triggers are sound and touch. I only bring this up because my anxiety disorders started to get really bad in high school. They get worse every year. But to this day I have problems touching myself to get clean or get dressed because I start to panic. I never consented to what my bf did. But I also never said no. I had no idea not experiencing sexual attraction was even an option.

I haven't met many asexuals so I really REALLY hope my story doesn't mirror theirs. But the people I have met and talked to all seem to share those feelings of being "broken" and not understanding what was going on around them during puberty and high school. It's not okay. "Alternatve" sexualities are erased in the discussion of sexuality when they really need to be brought to the front. The binary way of thinking is natural. Us against them. But it's wrong. And it needs to change so that other people don't share some of these experiences.

tldr; asexuality is a lot like bisexuality and pansexuality in terms of erasure and sexual education needs to be seriously looked at and changed to people don't have experiences with lasting effects.

I hope some of what I said isn't too garbled... It's late. And I also apologize for the length of the reply, like I said I just got back from a conference where this was a theme so I have a lot to say on the topic. Also again I appreciate seeing stuff about asexuality here.


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Gryphaena
post Sep 6 2015, 08:06 AM
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Thank you for sharing your perspective.

I'm glad there are conferences now about Queer Theory.

Was it affirming for you to attend it?


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SilverKitChase
post Sep 6 2015, 02:31 PM
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Yeah it was wink.gif It was with a group called IRAS (Institute on Religion in an Age of Science), and despite the fact that the talks were all very high level (given by people with advanced degrees), when you could talk to someone casually during meals or breaks it was really easy to understand them and share information. Plus it was a great place to start discussions on Asexuality and gender identities without feeling judged. I made a LOT of friends.


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Gryphaena
post Nov 8 2015, 10:08 AM
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Are any of you part of Gay-Straight Alliance clubs?

The one on my campus is probably going to be re-tooled next semester.

The advisor is irresponsible and they need to fix the constitution, it's decades old.


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Wayward Rosalind
post Nov 19 2015, 03:14 AM
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It's been a minute since anyone's posted, but I'll say this-

I'm also Asexual. I guess it's kinda just me identifying this way because I've never felt any kind of infatuation to anyone. I really have kinda a hard time warming up to people I don't know in real life. I don't like to talk unless I know that someone will listen, which for some weird reason includes myself so I pretty much talk to myself.

Most of my family kinda has left me alone on this topic. I mean, I pretty much spelled it out to them that I'm not interested in anyone. The only thing that I haven't done is slap a name on it.

But we do exist. It's a real thing. Just to have people open their minds that it's not weird or abnormal to not want to be with anyone in a relationship. I kinda wish I knew about this high school.


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Gryphaena
post Nov 19 2015, 10:09 PM
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@Rosalind: Yeah, high school is when it seemed to me that peers wanted to pair off.

I didn't feel any pressure though.

I don't think I'm asexual, I was watching parts of Fantasia last night and I thought the black father pegasus looked pretty attractive.

If I were a female pegasus of course.

I think the so-called "deviant" thing about me is that I feel like it shouldn't matter what gender I am.

I'm just a human being.

I'm a biological female that has collarbone length hair and I've been mistaken for a guy once when I have my hair in a ponytail.

Sometimes I feel like wearing a skirt or putting flowers in my hair.

I very rarely wear jewelry.

And I notice attractive members of both sexes.

I haven't had the courage to ask anyone out yet, though.

I want to have an income to speak of first though.


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