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Robin Mayne-Trainer, Geez... This is harder than I thought.
Lucario Elite
post Dec 11 2011, 06:18 PM
Post #1


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Name: Robin Mayne
Age: 11
Hometown: Gigarte

Appearance:
Ht: 5' 2"
Wt: 135 lbs.
Hair: Chocolate brown
Skin tone: Bronze
Eye color: Hazel

Robin is always seen sporting a grunge look; a black tank-top, denim jeans with scuffed knees and matching jacket. He also sports a pair of cool black shades. His shoes are black skater shoes with white laces.

Robin is of medium build; he has some visible muscle that is more toned than built. He has short spiked hair that is a little bit messy. Robin's eyes are a bright hazel in contrast to his well-bronzed skin.


Personality:
Robin is a courageous youth with a strong sense of justice. He loves Pokemon, and will do anything in his power to help them. Highly independent.Will protect other more than himself and Pokemon.Get's mad very easy and frustrated
and goes crazy.
Biography:
Born into a small, middle-class family in Gigarte, Robin is the youngest of three children and the only boy. His two older sisters are both Coordinators and left home when he was very young. Both parents worked late and often to make ends meet. Robin grew up very independent and learned to take care of himself and his Riolu. The Riolu was a Christmas gift from his parents when he turned 10.

Robin and his Riolu trained together for a few months in one of the parks near the house. One day, the pair were on their way to their favorite training spot when they came across a group of kids bullying a small baby Taillow. Robin and Riolu rushed to the rescue, and defeated the bullies and their Pokemon in a swift battle. Robin's mother happened to be on her way home from work when she witnessed the brawl. Seeing her son's victory, she immediately dragged the adrenaline-charged youth to get his Trainer's License. As most young trainers, Robin got to choose a Pokemon at the Lab. He decided on a Treecko, simply because it glared at everyone in the room but him.

He remained at home, however, to nurse the Taillow back to health before he set out on his journey. He plans to train to take on the Gym leader in his hometown.

Class: Trainer

Starting Pokemon: Riolu Lv. 10 Female Inner Focus Moves- Quick Attack, Foresight, Endure, Counter, Bullet Punch(E)
Treecko Lv. 5 Male Overgrow Moves- Pound, Leer, Grasswhistle(E)
Taillow Lv. 5 Female Scrappy Moves- Peck, Growl, Focus Energy, Rage(E)

Items: 20 Pokeballs (empty)
15 Potions

What is the biscuit's name? The answer is... Scheherazade
Other Notes:
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Toogee
post Dec 11 2011, 10:53 PM
Post #2


Weak Livered Milk Drinker
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Please post a finished profile.


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Lucario Elite
post Dec 13 2011, 07:13 PM
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QUOTE(2gamers @ Dec 11 2011, 07:53 PM) *
Please post a finished profile.

Sorry about that. Me and my sister were working on it, but we got interrupted. Since we don't have Microsoft Word on our computer, we had to submit it to save it.
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Toogee
post Dec 13 2011, 09:15 PM
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Weak Livered Milk Drinker
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There's a notepad on this forum under "My Controls" that you can use.

Just post again when it's finished.


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Lucario Elite
post Dec 13 2011, 11:51 PM
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It's pretty much finished, now.
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Toogee
post Dec 14 2011, 07:20 AM
Post #6


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The appearance and personality sections are lacking. The secnd post of this thread offers suggestions.

Bio: So nothing happened in Robin's life other than getting pokemon? Let's hear more.


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Lucario Elite
post Dec 16 2011, 05:13 PM
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Edited
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Kamaitachi
post Dec 18 2011, 02:07 AM
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I'm dying to see how this one ends.
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Taggarty Lee



This profile still feels rather incomplete.

I'll break it down for you:

Personality: It sounds like you grabbed a few ideas and slapped them together. The reason it appears this way is because the punctuation is off, and you use a lot of sentence fragments, rather than thought out sentences.

For example, you have a poorly punctuated "Highly independent" as a whole thought. "Will protect other more than himself and pokemon" is not really a sentence at all. "Get's mad very easy and frustrated" is not acceptable. I would suggest reading your writing out loud before finalizing.

Biography:

A biography is a great method of explaining your chatacter's personality. Oftentimes a biography sets up the background for why the character is the way he is. You do a fine job of saying: "His parents were never home" hence his "Highly independent" nature. But most of the biography is just how he attained his pokemon. While those are important parts of his life, we'd like to know things like...did he go to school? Trainer School? Was he already readying himself to be a trainer or did he just fall into it?

These things are very important in fleshing out your character.

There is one contradiction: Robin is 11, and he got his Riolu at age 10. Even at that young age, he figured out how to take care of himself, as well as his pokemon. How did he go about this? Most 10 year olds are not really capable of taking care of themselves, let alone another living thing. Perhaps some more insight into the relationship between Riolu and Robin would be fitting here, and it would definitely be a chance to highlight his love of pokemon.

The final line of your biography outlines a short-term goal. "He plans to train to take on the Gym Leader of his hometown." Well...what happens after that? Is that his only goal, or does he have more overarching ideas for his journey in Furoh. He has a trainer's license, but does he want to take the Gym Challenge?

Now for some Egg Move Approvals:
Bullet Punch can be used at Level 16.
Grasswhistle can be used immediately.
Rage can be used immediately.

If you need help in providing more detail to your profile, please consider reading other accepted profiles to see what we mods are looking for.

Cheers and Good Luck.


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