[X] My Assistant

[Darth Krytie]

Wow, my answer has more depends than a nursing home.


I know people who met on Live Journal and HPLexicon who are now married. I know people who have had their hearts broken. I know people who have experiences in between.

It depends on the people involved. How much they're willing to invest in it being real? Are they honest with each other? Are they just pretending? There's so much.

Still, it's not necessarily a bad thing. My best friend is someone I met online five years ago. She lives in BC, Canada (Vancouver) and that's 3k away from me. We met only three years ago in person and now meet once a year with other friends at HP cons, mainly.

I don't think we should rely on proximity for our "special someones". I mean it's kinda limiting to expect that your mister or missus right is in the locker next to yours or parks their car along side yours at the local five and dime.

It happens when it happens. And you can feel a connection to people you've never met unexpectedly.

This post has been edited by Mommy Dearest: Jul 21 2010, 06:29 AM

[Bora]

Disregarding every other reply people have made, I shall state my opinion as clear as possible. (this sounds weird)
Online = Creepy people
Online also = Pedos
Pedos = No-no

People can fake salutes, videos, anything. The online world is so fake.

[PikaDiety]

While I disagree with online dating, I also disagree with you, Dango. So, everyone online is a pedophile? I'm certainly not, and I doubt that you are. While SOME people online are pedophiles and you DO need to be careful, not everyone is a pedophile.

[Bug Catcher Jax]

My first relationship was online, and although it didn't work in the end, I feel that it was an important part of my life that I can't overlook. We were friends for years before we got together, and we trusted one another before we got into a relationship.
Sure, we were "hormone-filled" pre-teens who were immature and didn't really know what we were doing, but that happens IRL also. We had a lot of good times and a lot of bad times. I learned about heartbreak and how easy it is to be pressured, and how hard it is to not be able to see someone you love.

It gave me an experience that I couldn't of had IRL at the time, and it prepared me for the relationships IRL that I have had.

Also, online dating can't lead to STDs, pregnancy, or physical abuse if you can't see the other person. So for us "hormone-filled" preteens/teens, it might be better sometimes.

[JOSEPH1103]

online dating just plain dumb also you dont know if its a guy or girl cause they can take a picture from google also how you ever gonna meet up in real life

[PikaDiety]

"how can you ever meet in real life?"

Plenty of online friends meet each other in real life, a lot of times without anything bad happening. Sure, sometimes bad things do happen, which is why it's better to meet in a public place or with a group of people you trust or something like that. But it happens a lot.

[JOSEPH1103]

well i got told by a newbie thanks for the info

[SheJ]

well i got told by a newbie thanks for the info

There's a lot of ways you can find out if someone is real or not. For example my Boyfriend is an online relationship right now. I have MULTIPLE pictures of him. It is very hard to google multiple pictures of someone. I have also talked to him on the phone and know for a fact he is male. Also when he sends me pictures they have time stamps on them which are very hard to fake to my knowledge. My mother has spoken to him numerous times and also plans to take me to meet him. It's not hard to meet someone in person if you have other people willing to help you get to them. It's also not hard to do it yourself if you have the money. Always meet during the day time, in a crowded area. It should be some place like a mall or restaurant. Never meet at a movie theater because theaters are dark.

Granted yes, people can fake who they are and fake their images. It's not hard to take multiple pictures of your friend and put them on a profile. It's also not hard to photoshop. However it is easy to tell photoshops.


@Dango: I'm online and I am not a pedophile, neither is my boyfriend, my friends, or my mother. I suggest you think before you make stupid comments like that. You will offend many people by saying everyone online is either creepy or a pedo. I'm not a creepy person, my mother isn't, nor is my boyfriend. Granted some of my friends are strange but that is what I enjoy about them. People are unique. Yes there are some pedophiles on the internet, it's not hard to know who they are to be honest. Nine times out of ten it's easy for someone to figure out who is a pedophile or not in their right frame of mind.

[Lord Raven]

I've nothing against it, but good luck with pulling it off. Just exercise basic common sense about who's fake and who's not... although it's not very different than like high school lovers going to different colleges.

[Natsume Reiko]

Disregarding every other reply people have made, I shall state my opinion as clear as possible. (this sounds weird)
Online = Creepy people
Online also = Pedos
Pedos = No-no

People can fake salutes, videos, anything. The online world is so fake.

I'm online and I'm definitely not a pedophile. A bisexual yes; pedophile no. Don't make generalizations like that. It'll only bite you in the ass. Plus you yourself are online- doesn't that make you a creepy pedophile in your books?

People who get online for the sake of dating often end up having their relationships bomb. It's no different than people who only go to adult activities groups for the sole purpose of hooking up ending up bombing all the time. For the most part if you understand that there are false 'people' online but it's not hard to call them out on their bullshit after a while. People make mistakes and liars can't keep lying forever. Truth is always gonna come out one way or another.

And what Jtao said- online relationships don't lead to underaged sex, pregnancy, STDs and physical abuse. There's pros and cons to everything and it's usually up to you to be smart about such decisions.

I personally took a leap of faith with Steven, but hey what's life without a little risk? If I hadn't taken it then I don't think I would be as happy as I am right now. The fact that we blew several hundred hours [and bucks] talking over the phone and Skype helped a lot between the distances.

Relationships differ from couple to couple and that's a pretty easy given there. Patience is key and so is willingness to be able to be open with each other.

[Kookie Monster]

The internet does allow people to show their personalities. However, if one is considering to marry someone they met off the internet, I wouldn't really advise it. One, is that one of them are lying about their age, details, etc and may ask to met up, and therefore the other person might be in a dangerous situation. There is also the fact, that you can find images of almost anyone on the internet, so it is even more dangerous. There are some who are stalkers and pedos, that do browse the internet.

However these are the bad things. Like I said, it allows people to reveal their personalities and allows the person to make an emotional connection, before making a physical connection. This increases the happiness of both individuals in the relationship. This is all based on the fact, that no-one is lying about themselves, which is very easy to do. It is dangerous but, relationship made on the internet SHOULD work better, however, dating irl has a more personal feeling and it is more easier to bond. I think internet dating works, it just takes a lot longer than irl dating

[Symphonia]

My first relationship was online, and although it didn't work in the end, I feel that it was an important part of my life that I can't overlook. We were friends for years before we got together, and we trusted one another before we got into a relationship.
Sure, we were "hormone-filled" pre-teens who were immature and didn't really know what we were doing, but that happens IRL also. We had a lot of good times and a lot of bad times. I learned about heartbreak and how easy it is to be pressured, and how hard it is to not be able to see someone you love.

It gave me an experience that I couldn't of had IRL at the time, and it prepared me for the relationships IRL that I have had

^ This.

Even though it went horribly wrong for me, I have nothing against online relationships and wouldn't discourage anyone from giving it a try as long as they have a mature mindset about it. That means you don't join a website or IRC channel just to look for a boyfriend or girlfriend. You have to let it happen naturally.

As with any relationship, it's important to give it time and effort. That's where mine went wrong. He'd ignore me for weeks at a time because he had work to do and couldn't understand how much this hurt me. >.> He later admitted that he thought of our relationship as kind of an "if it's meant to be, it'll happen" kind of thing, which is of course not how it works at all if you're not even going to listen to the other person's concerns.

Yes, it is easier to lie about your identity through the internet, but that's no guarantee that it will never work out. You'll just have to spend even more time getting to know the person than you normally would in real life. Like other people were saying, get a webcam and talk that way. Send pictures, talk on the phone. Slowly build up your trust with this person before you invest too much of yourself in them. My ex and I were friends for almost four years before we started to take things farther.

Also realize that when you get close to someone and they can't physically be there with you, you may get very lonely. I remember that happening to me.

Tl;dr, online relationships are harder to maintain than those in real life, and there is a very slim chance of it working out, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to give it a try if you're willing to take the risks and deal with possible consequences.

[Crystal Shards]

I've done it and even though those relationships ended, I'm still really good friends with the guys and honestly, yeah it was worth it. People tend not to take online relationships seriously, or they try to talk them down ("It really didn't mean anything anyway") after the fact, but... If that person means something to you, (s)he means something to you regardless of distance or whether you've met him/her in "real life." (I've never understood that phrase anyway. The internet is an extension of real life. Everything we do is real life.) In fact, I know a couple that's all but engaged and they dated online for quite some time before actually meeting one another.

I hear people say, "Well there's a chance (s)he's lying to you." Well yeah... but that happens in "IRL" relationships too. I had a guy lie to me for four months saying he loved me when he really wanted to break up with me and had kissed another girl behind my back. How is that any different than something anyone online can tell you? And you hear stories of rape and stuff, and yeah it's terrible and you should be smart about meeting people for the first time, but I hope people realize that people in relationships do get raped by their partners sometimes. The sad thing is it's a lot harder for the person to be believed if the person raping him/her is married to him/her.

I think really it comes down to maturity. Would you take an 8-year-old seriously if (s)he were dating someone online? Probably not. But I wouldn't take him/her all that seriously if (s)he were dating someone from school either. It's an 8-year-old. I'd be a lot more likely to take a 20-year-old seriously when (s)he talks about his/her relationships, whether they're online or in "real life."

[Hippo]

Online dating can be a really special thing, and not something that people who haven't experienced it should really comment on. Although I don't think it's a good idea to deliberately go looking for a relationship online, sometimes when you're talking with someone every day you can't help but fall in love with them, even if it is online. In the beginning an online relationship really is just like any relationship, when you just want to be together and talking constantly. The only problem you have is that as time goes by and you run out of things to talk about, there isn't the actual companionship of just being with someone that you get in an IRL relationship even when you're not talking. A silent MSN conversation just isn't really the same. Because of this I think it's important to know at least to some degree each others plans for the future, and to try and work out what you're going to do with the relationship moving forwards. Some online relationships stretch across countries and continents, so you have to realize that if you really want to be together it's going to in the end involve someone giving almost everything away to move, including friends, family, maybe even jobs, and if neither of you are prepared for that then you have to accept the fact that it's going to end at some point.

[BarkingChaos]

I'm not against it, but I do think you gotta be extremely careful. You never know who you are talking to. I mean, they might be the nicest person on earth. But anyone can lie and say they are a certain age and provide you with fake pictures found on google.

I have a friend who has an internet boyfriend and she is very happy.

I would personally never do it because of my first paragraph. Not saying everyone is a fake, but you just dont know

[FancyGranola]

I have a friend who has an internet boyfriend and she is very happy.

I think that says enough.

You can make friends online, but I really don't think that the internet should replace a real life interaction you get from people. It's not right to use a tool such as the internet as a way to for a stable relationship. The internet is supposed to spread information around and to communicate. It is a tool, not a replacement for human interaction.

It's much more potent if you ask someone in real life for a date, than to send them an e-mail or text. The internet tells you what you want to hear. That's one of the many reasons why Wikipedia is so usable. The internet is a filter, and to filter out love is gimping yourself. Grow some balls and ask a girl in real life: that's a relationship because you care enough to ask her out face to face.

[Marshtomp2]

No...I think it's bad!I heard a story which is real-a couple was online dating for about 2 years.At the end they decided to mary.After a month or two they divorced...So It's just stupid!If you want a date go to your school and talk with some girl!

[MoogleSam]

I think online dating is alright if the person knows what they are doing and understands the possibility that they could be a fake, though that is unlikely as fakes are in the minority really, as much as people want to say they are the majority, they are wrong if they do. It is also hard to get more than one picture of the same person on google unless it is a celebrity or the person looks up someone they know that has put several pictures on the internet.

Pedophiles, again, a minority could also be pretending to be a kid but in reality, it would be hard to pretend you are a kid as you'd know longer words than them, you'd probably be far more mature than them, and you would probably have trouble dumbing yourself down. These people would also be easy to recognise as they'd want to meet in real life quite soon and talk about mature subjects often, as well as asking for pictures of you.

Like normal relationships, online relationships have ups and downs. It is easier to cheat if you have an online relationship with someone, it is easier to lie, it is easier to pretend but it is also easier to communicate, easier to be yourself and easier in general. Of course online relationships can do quite well and they can meet and be together forever or when they meet it can go downhill like a snowball but they tend to have an easier starting point at least.

With relationships offline, the beginning is usually quite hard as the two people would probably feel nervous and worry in case they do something stupid but with online relationships you just have to worry about saying something stupid at the beginning really.

And people saying "go ask someone out in real life", that ain't how relationships work. You don't just ask someone out and they say "sure, let's be boyfriend/girlfriend and boyfriend/girlfriend". What happens is you become friends with people and you develop feelings towards a person as you get to know them better THEN you ask them out.

Seriously, I flat out deny people that ask me out as I know they are doing it as a joke and I don't know them well enough to want to date them. I want to know the person's personality well before I even consider dating them. :/

[FancyGranola]

With relationships offline, the beginning is usually quite hard as the two people would probably feel nervous and worry in case they do something stupid but with online relationships you just have to worry about saying something stupid at the beginning really.

And people saying "go ask someone out in real life", that ain't how relationships work. You don't just ask someone out and they say "sure, let's be boyfriend/girlfriend and boyfriend/girlfriend". What happens is you become friends with people and you develop feelings towards a person as you get to know them better THEN you ask them out.

That's why you learn. Any asking someone out over the internet is easier because the internet protects you in a way. You can just easily block them and sever all connections by logging out. You can't do that in real life. Isn't the nervous thing part of love? That's the beauty of it. You get blinded by emotions. On the internet? loveissoplausibleIt's fake. You feed yourself what you want to hear. You recycle the messages back from a person typing to you. Ultimately, you are the person that is reading and understanding the text that the other person writes. Who doesn't want to be loved? You can't hurt yourself by saying you don't love yourself anymore. It's all jokes.

[MoogleSam]

With relationships offline, the beginning is usually quite hard as the two people would probably feel nervous and worry in case they do something stupid but with online relationships you just have to worry about saying something stupid at the beginning really.

And people saying "go ask someone out in real life", that ain't how relationships work. You don't just ask someone out and they say "sure, let's be boyfriend/girlfriend and boyfriend/girlfriend". What happens is you become friends with people and you develop feelings towards a person as you get to know them better THEN you ask them out.

That's why you learn. Any asking someone out over the internet is easier because the internet protects you in a way. You can just easily block them and sever all connections by logging out. You can't do that in real life. Isn't the nervous thing part of love? That's the beauty of it. You get blinded by emotions. On the internet? loveissoplausibleIt's fake. You feed yourself what you want to hear. You recycle the messages back from a person typing to you. Ultimately, you are the person that is reading and understanding the text that the other person writes. Who doesn't want to be loved? You can't hurt yourself by saying you don't love yourself anymore. It's all jokes.

The nervous thing, I would say, probably ruins more chances at relationships than it should. If you think about it, if you are already shy in real life, like me, then if you add feelings of nervousness, you've basically got a statue. Statues can't really ask people anything, or speak, or move. This then causes people to be left sitting in a shell while the person they like is taken by someone more out going.

It is hard to change your personality so if you are naturally shy, it is hard to gain confidence and therefore, nearly impossible to ask anyone out and easy to ignore.

On the internet you CAN fall in love but, it would probably take longer as you don't get to spend quality time together or do anything together that involves physical contact. They can still offer words of comfort, they can still talk to you, they can still email cute pictures, they can still phone you if you give them your number, they can still do all non-physical things with you that a person next door to you could do. Hell, they can even play video games with you if the game allows you to play with people online. Of course you could see them on MSN if you have a webcam or Skype so it is possible to see them easily if they have a webcam and you can do the same.

You've got to be logical though, otherwise you could end up raped, murdered, or just heartbroken. :/