Printable Version of Topic

Posted by: Pokefan209 Oct 10 2010, 03:03 PM

Go easy on me!

Name: Kenz Issone

Age: 13 (birthday on March 27)

Hometown: Violet City

Appearence: She has short, straight dark brown hair. Her skin is pretty pale, but she isn't completely white. Her eyes are a deep brown, and there is a tiny mole under her left eye. She is about 5' 2'', and weighs around 90 pounds. She wears a loose fitting shirt and jeans, along with a six clip belt for her poke-balls. Her forest-green shirt is worn down, with a small tear on the shoulder. Her dark blue jeans have grass stains on them, from all her time outside. She wears little pearl earrings, and a silver chain that her grand-father gave her.

Personality: She is caring and companionate, and she will confess her secrets into her pokemon. The only time she stops talking to her pokemon is if she's training them. She has a few friends, but mostly she goofs with her Pidee and Caterpie. She aspires to be a trainer, and trains her Pokemon just so. Even with her sweet attitude, she's not the kind of girl you want to get into a fight with, as both she and her Pidgey are skilled at fighting. They learned this special skill while Kenz was in the forest, running away from her parents.

Biography: When she was born on March 27th, she looked like an angel. After her parents had tried and tried to have a baby, she was finally born. In three years and three days, her little sister, Abby, was born. A little while after that, her parents found out that Abby had autism, a brain disorder that required a lot of attention. They suddenly had no more time for Kenz, and were busy with Abby. They even used harsh tones to her, and once told her to get lost. When she was 7, she ran away crying. Lost and hungry in the woods, she slept under a tree. In the morning, she was woken by a Pidgey that was curiously peering at her. She timidly petted it, and after that they were the best of friends. She went back to her parents, and they got a tutor for her to teach her how to raise Pokemon, and fight well too. She quickly developed fighting skills, and used them to create interesting moves for her pokemon. When she was ten, she traveled to New Bark Town to receive a Pokedex, and got six Pokeballs to start catching pokemon. That's when she met Falkner. Purple hair, perfect smile, smooth talker: he was a dream. He was also a Gym Leader. She has crushed on him ever since that day. She only has Pidgey and a Caterpie right now (a gift from her mom after she ran away, as a gesture of "sorry"). Today, she sets off with her Pokemon to take on the world. She still resents her sister and her parents somewhat, but is glad to have her Pokemon by her side.

Items: Two Potions, Four Pokeballs (Six if you count the ones Pidee and Caterpie are in), an antidote, and two parylz heal
The biscuit's name is Waldorf

Other: I put a lot of time and effort into it this time, so give me a chance.

Posted by: 2gamers Oct 10 2010, 07:47 PM

I would go easy on you...if you read the rules.

I'm going to need more in the appearance section. There's a whole guide to making profiles in the same thread as the template. Please read it.

That guide will probably help you out on the bio as well. Before I give any more suggestions, I need you to read the rules.

Posted by: Pokefan209 Oct 11 2010, 06:45 AM

I think I fixed it. Can you re-check it?

Posted by: Master Houndoom Oct 11 2010, 08:54 AM

General Comments: A spell checker is a must. There are several spelling mistakes that could easily be caught by a spell checking program, which most word processors have. Internet Explorer and Firefox also have built in spell checkers, if you need them. Poor spelling can lower your score in RP grading if it's consistent.

Appearance Section: It is a little disjointed, but that is only a pet peeve of mine and not one that's going to keep me up at night (you, at one point, talk about her shirt, go one to another part of her wardrobe, and then return to her shirt. It is better to get everything out of the way at once before you move on). I also don't really understand how one wears their shirt "down", though I suspect you mean it is untucked.

Personality: This section, quoted, completely confuses me and needs to be reworded. It seems to be a contradiction:

You should absolutely go through http://forums.gtsplus.net/index.php?showtopic=3837&view=findpost&p=851292, as suggested by 2gamers.

Bio: I would like to see more. Much more. How did she get into contests, especially since her hero/crush is a gym leader? How did she get so good at battling? When and why did she catch the caterpie? What is her relationship with her parents and her sister? Does she still resent Abby? Does she resent her parents? Did they explain that Abby was born special/different/sick and needed attention? So much could be said, and isn't, and it's always good practice to get as detailed with a biography as you can, as it shows your roleplay style and skill.

Please consider these. You may also consider another pokemon up to level seven, as you can have up to 20 total levels in your starting pokemon. This is not a requirement, but a suggestion; your current team is sufficient to start with.

Please look into these and edit where needed.

Posted by: Pokefan209 Oct 11 2010, 04:38 PM

I tried again. Re-check.

Posted by: 2gamers Oct 11 2010, 07:30 PM

No starter pokemon can exceed level 10. Example: you can have a max of two Lvl. 10 pokemon for a total of 20. Taking a level off of the pidgey will suffice.

Other than that, I'm happy with this.

Posted by: Pokefan209 Oct 11 2010, 07:41 PM

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! So I can start now?

Posted by: 2gamers Oct 11 2010, 07:47 PM

Approved. Go post in the Current Level thread. Have fun!