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Born Gay/Straight/Bi, Are you born or turned that way?
August Skylocke
post Feb 10 2012, 09:23 AM
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I am gay myself, and I personally believe that it is not an option. Perhaps I could say that a contributing factor to me being gay is that I was brought up by my mother, as my father would never really be home. Even now, I prefer being with my mother than my father. Like the opening post stated, I do not understand why anyone would choose to be gay. I get so much crap for being who I am, and I am sick of it. Believe me, if I had the option right now to choose my sexuality I would choose heterosexual in an instant. But, unlike a lot of people, I have to just accept who I am and make the most of it. I don't want to waste my life pretending I'm straight to make my family or friends happy. If you cannot be yourself around them, then who can you be yourself around?

In short; I believe it is not a choice.


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Elito
post Feb 10 2012, 09:31 AM
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QUOTE(DocWorth @ Feb 27 2011, 08:48 PM) *
I don't think you can set it to "Born" or "made" for everyone. Everyone has different reasons for being gay, straight, bi or asexual. Some people have always been attracted to a certain gender. Other people may have an outside effect that change their views and feelings. Some people just fall in-love no matter what gender even if they hadn't felt that way for that certain gender before.

k so, agreed in here. I am bisexual and I most certainly wasn't born this way (haha Lady Gaga pun). But it's basically because of my surrounding - society as a whole tells you that it is normal to be in a relationship with a person of a different sex, it's normal to have a wife/husband and kids with them, and starting from you're just a child, you are thought that this is the way of living, and that there is no other way.
However, even if you don't have any gay influence around you, you can start to feel affection over people of the same sex - so, most likely, you didn't choose to just randomly start feeling emotions over them, your brain did it instead of you. So yes, genetics most likely have the affect in here.
But also, you can't say that you were born that way, because you didn't feel the affection over the same sex from since you were born. It struck you at some point of your life. So my opinion is that it's all very complicated and depends on the individual.


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Synx Itax
post Feb 18 2012, 02:14 AM
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I'm lesbian and was born that way. I always liked women, never liked men... that's all there is to it.


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Desmond Hume
post Feb 18 2012, 05:12 AM
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Totally gay, and I can never imagine being straight. I don't have that attraction to women and I never will (or at least I hope I never will).
I'd like to believe that your sexuality is determined through genetics, although I can see the argument for being gay based on influences.


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Gryphaena
post Feb 24 2012, 03:55 AM
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I think a person is mostly born that way. I have a lesbian aunt who told my grandfather her kindergarten teacher was sexy.

Also, I think I remember something from biology about male mice/rats who preferred female mice/rats who didn't have male siblings because those females had less testosterone than females who did have male siblings. Though maybe that last sentence is off topic.


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post Feb 25 2012, 03:42 AM
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QUOTE(Gryphaena @ Feb 24 2012, 04:55 AM) *
I think a person is mostly born that way. I have a lesbian aunt who told my grandfather her kindergarten teacher was sexy.

Also, I think I remember something from biology about male mice/rats who preferred female mice/rats who didn't have male siblings because those females had less testosterone than females who did have male siblings. Though maybe that last sentence is off topic.


You're talking about this?

I remember that in Bio class too, though I think it deals a lot more with aggression than it does sexuality. For example, male mice born between two male brothers will be super aggressive in adulthood, those born between a brother and a sister will behave "normally", and one born between two sisters will be under-aggressive. The problem is that, unless they're a set of twins, which wouldn't matter, humans are unaffected by this since humans don't breed in litters. It is tested, however, that fetal development could include fluctuations in the hypothalamus, which does control human sexuality, and can teeter someone towards homosexuality, or heterosexuality depending on the size.

This post has been edited by Reyo: Feb 25 2012, 03:43 AM


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Yamper
post Feb 25 2012, 06:14 AM
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QUOTE(Dazmi @ Jan 28 2012, 06:21 PM) *
I don`t choose my sexual orientation, my dick does. I get erect over guys, but not girls. There, simple as that.


Probably the best way to put it aha.
also there's quite a lot of British gays I didn't notice o___o

Mmmm I don't think I've ever seen that mouse thing but it certainly looks... interesting.

Although I don't think you're "born gay". Honestly... I used to like girls back in the day. Shocking isn't it? I used to be friends with this girl in primary school and I grew up my entire primary school life imagining having a wife + kids with this girl. Of course that all changed when I hit secondary school, or rather towards the end of primary. I didn't notice them at the time but as time went on I noticed it more and more. So whether having more female friends had an influence on me, I don't know, but I'm convinced it's a combination of the two (Nature and Nurture)

Also what Dazmi said I guess. Erect over guys but not girls.


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post Feb 28 2012, 04:45 PM
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I don't think anybody is born with a sexuality, and that we develop our sexualities as we age due to certain factors such as our surroundings and how we were raised. Though I also believe, in the end, whether we are straight, gay, or bi is not a decision, and that it's completely out of our control.


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Kendall Raine
post Apr 11 2012, 07:06 PM
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Well, there’s a difference between attraction and acting on your attractions. Attraction itself isn’t a choice, only acting on it is. Sexual orientation usually refers to one’s inner attractions, so no, sexual orientation is not a choice. You don't choose what you're attracted to, you just choose who you have sex with/who you enter relationships with. A man who is only attracted to other men can very well be in a relationship with a woman if he's trying to lie to himself and others about his true sexuality. It happens all the time. I've known a few lesbian women who've been in sexual relationships with men, and they didn't enjoy it much, but they wrongly believed that ALL women don't enjoy sex with men and so they themselves didn't even realize they were gay until later on in their lives...

Sexuality is much more complex than people tend to realize. It's rarely ever something anyone consciously chooses, but it can be fluid and it can change, but if it does change it usually does so against your will, not because of it. People can be born either gay, bi, pan, straight, whatever, and later in life they might find that their attractions shift and change. It happens to some and doesn't happen to others. Human beings are very sexual creatures that use sex as a social bonding tool, it's not just a reproductive instinct like it is with dogs and cats and stuff, so our sexuality is a LOT more complex than most other animals.

Best thing to do is just go with the flow, don't try to change your sexuality, but if it changes on its own, that's okay. Nothing abnormal or shameful about that.

Now that that's out of the way... I don’t think it matters if it is a choice or isn’t. Religion is a choice, and yet there’s all sorts of rights and protections for religious people. Contraception is a choice people make to use, and it can be considered “unnatural,” its purpose is having non-procreative sex just like homosexual sex, and yet very few people are against that.

Let’s pretend that sexuality is absolutely, 100% a choice. Okay, so what? Shouldn’t two consenting adults have the right to be together if they want to regardless?

One thing I find problematic about the whole thing, is, what if race was a choice? Would it then be wrong to be black if you could choose to be black? It feels a bit like saying that being gay or black or whatever is some horrible fate and we should only tolerate them because they didn't choose it, those poor dears...but no, we should be accepting because there's nothing wrong with these things, not just because they didn't choose it.


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Disgracik
post Jun 10 2012, 11:48 AM
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QUOTE(Starships @ Feb 25 2012, 01:14 PM) *
So whether having more female friends had an influence on me, I don't know, but I'm convinced it's a combination of the two (Nature and Nurture)

Also what Dazmi said I guess. Erect over guys but not girls.


Have same situation, having only friends girls have its influence (at least it has on me)... And that Dazmi words are also true... So, personally, I think there is 2 in 1... In some way you're born that way, but influence also plays it role and you become who you are...

I like girls, but i also like guys (more then girls), this is nature and I can't go against it, understanding it makes me even happy and proud of it ^_^.gif



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post Dec 12 2012, 06:32 PM
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Born straight.


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post Dec 12 2012, 08:39 PM
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I think I was turned gay since I had a severe traumatic experience when I was 7-8. So I think that influenced my sexual orientation since that was a critical period for me. Or maybe I was born gay and that trauma made me realize it early, I don't know...


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Karl Marx
post Aug 5 2013, 09:57 AM
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i believe it depends on the person. some people end up being born a different sexuality. for others, it sort of just grows on them after a while. for me, i never even wondered if i was bisexual until probably the past 8 months to about a year. [then again up until now i didn't really give a rat's ass about dating].


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post Aug 5 2013, 07:57 PM
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Honestly this is a very troubling question. I personally am attracted to most people. But when aroused, I prefer thinking about women. I have had previous experiences with women when I was a bit younger, but my first love is indeed a man. I thought about what Dubbleyew said how being attracted to someone and acting on it are different, so I thought "Oh yeah I'm not too into women because I haven't acted on my attraction" but I did think about it and as I said I had a few experiences, which I did enjoy, even at a young age I was developing my attraction towards women, yet I had never tried to be one. I do not know whether it is because there are no bisexual or homosexual girls in my region, or because I am more comfortable with men. But I don't remember a time when I wasn't curious about kissing or hugging a girl instead of a boy so I would say I was born the way I am.


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ZizanChan
post Aug 16 2013, 01:57 PM
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No one is born anything. A baby has no sexuality. Like someone else said before, their life consists of eat, shit, sleep, cry and repeat.
Just like a newborn is not capable of falling in love yet (parent/sibling love does not count), they don't have a preference of who they can like or fall in love with. Therefore everyone is born sexuality-less.

Sexuality is chosen either. It's not developed by anyone on purpose (you can't turn anyone/yourself gay/straight/anything else). It just develops by itself. It's kinda like.. you can't chose what flavors you like. Some people love mint, some people hate milk, some love both apple and strawberry, and none of them can forcefully change this (well, they might sometimes, if they, for example, drink too much milk and end up getting sick of it. This does not happen sexuality wise, though). If it's a choice, then why don't you chose to be the opposite of what you are for a while? You can't do that without lying to yourself.

I like to compare this with eye color.
The majority of babies are born with blue eyes. For the sake of this comparison I'll say blue eyes=no sexual preference.
As they grow up and more melanin deposits in their irises, their eyes often change color. Green, brown, hazel or anything in between.. Similar thing happens with sexuality as we mature. We notice that we like some people and not others, sometimes we like everyone equally, or no one at all. Though unlike eye color, this has nothing to do with genes. I don't think it has anything to do with the way we are brought up either, after all, in loads of christian (I mean the anti-gay kind) households the parents end up having gay/bi/pan children, even though they teach their children that being non-straight is wrong.

TL;DR Not born with it, nor a choice. More just.. developed over time regardless of anyones influence. Blame/thank nature! uvu


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post Oct 25 2013, 01:23 AM
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From my personal experience, I believe that gay people are born the way they are and that it cannot be changed.

I have dated four girls before (I am a guy), and I always felt something was missing. My attraction was only moderate for them. I thought I was straight until I was 13.
When I was 13, I started accepting my sexuality. I labelled myself as bisexual, but later came out as full-on gay. I have dated 3 guys since then, and I am with a guy now. Him and I are more real than me and any girl could have been.
Since straight people tend to have an easier time getting married, if I could have chosen I would be straight. But I'm not.
Because of this, and because I always knew in my heart that I was gay, I don't think it's a choice. It certainly wasn't a choice for me.
And if anyone ever says it is a complete choice, ask them to switch their sexuality right that moment.
They'll say they can't.
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post Nov 29 2013, 01:32 PM
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Awww yeah



To be fair, the whole choice-or-not thing varies among many different people.
It doesn't seem to be a one-size-fits-all deal.

Personally? I wasn't turned gay or chose to be that way. Just like I didn't choose to be white, cis, female, or have Asperger's. In fact, some people like myself discover who
they prefer very early in life. I've always liked women.

I also believe it is important to remember that sexuality is a spectrum, not just a set number of outfits
you happen to fit into at some point. Some people fit into straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual etc clothes
very well. Sometimes, they wear a mix of them. Some may like women, but be open to possibilities with men, too.
Some may only trust those who do not fit into the gender binary but have had past relationships with cis individuals.
Etc, etc, etc, etc. It's a big spectrum, after all!


I do believe, however, that in the end straight people shouldn't really have a final say in the matter.
Opinions are great and fine to have, but y'all shouldn't get to write the psychology books or teach the youth
in this matter. :>
It's not that you're bad, it's just that you don't know much about what LGBTQA+ folks go through when discovering
their lack of hetero.



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Quark
post Dec 7 2013, 07:12 PM
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I only really realised I liked girls as well as boys when I was about 13, promptly freaked myself out and didn't think about it for about a year because I was so ashamed lmao

People at my school would be so horrendous about gay people, and it terrified me beyond belief- so why on earth would I choose to be bisexual? The majority of my school friends still don't know now, the fear of rejection is literally so rife within the lgbtqia+ community it's ridiculous.

Of course I know now it's fine not to be straight but yeah, I definitely don't think it's a choice. I didn't choose to be bi, it's a hell of a lot more stress to be queer.
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Mosica
post Dec 7 2013, 08:46 PM
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I side with the "people are neither born gay, nor turned gay," or any sexuality for that matter. It's a very complicated thing to try and make sense of. Nature and nurture play a but part I believe, but it is also you as an individual. Nature and nurture's role could either help someone find themselves or completely throw them off track and make it even harder for the person.

As an example,
QUOTE(Lokiva @ Jan 20 2012, 02:12 PM) *
...people are pressured to /not be gay/ throughout their childhood years I believe people can get confused halfway through life. Right now, I cannot tell whether or not I am attracted to girls or guys because I have been pressured by my society (Catholic schools/family) to like men, but there are some women who I think I might be attracted to. I am confused, but I know that I would accept either path should that prove to be what I actually am.

Is exactly what I am going through right now. I am a white, cis female who has never been in a relationship, so I have not been able to further figure out who I am attracted too most, if any. Perhaps I am pan-romanic, because I can find people of all genders, non-binary, gender-fluid, etc attracting (maybe?? because I cannot tell if I am acknowledging their outward beauty/personality/who they are or if it is something more) and be asexual, but who knows? I know for a fact that my family and friends are a very accepting bunch, several of them being gay or trans* themselves, yet for some reason I still deny myself.

This post has been edited by Mosica: Dec 7 2013, 08:52 PM


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post Jan 29 2014, 12:32 PM
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I think this is a huge debate maybe even bigger than Homosexuality itself and i am friends with a few gays and they are always bullied to the point where they almost committed suicide so I don't think anyone would purposefully choose a lifestyle that is always look down upon. So I think they are born gay because it makes no sense why people would choose the road that leaves to bullying and being hated. I am a christian and I support Gay marriage because Christians now days miss interpret the Bible when it comes to homosexuality thinking that being gay is a sing when that is not true the sin is marrying the same sex or sleeping with them but at the end I still think that people are born gay.
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