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Fenrir, Raised by Wolves. I'm done!
ShinyRalts
post Jan 18 2012, 09:30 PM
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Name: Fenrir
Age: 14
Hometown: Lenoilia

Appearance: Fenrir is a boy of 89lbs. and stands at 5'2, making him both somewhat short and very underweight for his age. His skin is quite tan. He has uncut black hair and oddly yellow eyes. He always has a ferocious gaze that sets people on end. His teeth are unusually sharp as well. He wears black ragged cloths, tight fitting to allow him to run faster. He has bare feet, and his nails are unusually long. Some people would describe the resulting look as 'wolffish'. Some Pokemon have been known to call him 'Wolf on Two Legs". He has scars all over him from the many hunts he has been in,to the point that he doesn't even know they're there.

Personality: Fenrir is naturally wary of humans. He has a policy of keeping to the shadows and he would prefer to stand on four legs while he's at it. He knows he isn't allowed to, though. He is loyal to those who help him, and considers them part of his Pack. He is a fierce boy when confronted. He will attack an attacker as if he were a Pokemon, but tries to refrain from doing so in trainer battles. He is known, however, to order his Pokemon to do things some trainers get quite annoyed by. He will tell them all to attack at once, even if he has six. He also tends to have them do odd things, such as stand on top of eachother to get a better aim. If he's at a severe disadvantage, aka without Pokemon, he will attack with his claw. He goes for the ankles. Enough to knock them down but not to kill them. He has a tendency to talk to his Pokemon and rarely actually uses thier Pokeballs, preferring them to roam free as members of his Pack. He does understand he needs to if they get hurt, however. He is very blunt in his language, betraying its relative newness to him. He will occasionally mishear things due to a weakened sense of sound and his imperfection of English.

Biography: Fenrir was the child of travelers. They were not terribly wealthy and could hardly afford to keep the child, whom they named Kyle Sanstra. They were traveling from Petropolis when he was two, and he wandered off in the night. The next morning, neither of them could find him. They finally gave up after three days had passed. They had to move on. (When they got to thier goal they told the police of the occurance, but by this time he had gotten so far that they could not find him. They couldn't quite remember where they lost him, and he had wandered too far.) A Mightyena, who had once had a trainer, was moving her pack back to Lenoilia after the disaster. The old leader had been too afraid, but the new knew that Pokemon and humans could adapt more than they thought. When she found the boy, it gave her memories of her old trainer. She could not leave him behind. She allowed him to ride on her back for the rest of the journey.
Lupinera, for her trainer had given her a name, was leader of her own pack and could do as she liked. The Poochyena and Mightyena soon became used to the human in their midst. The wolves taught him to battle with tooth and claw, namely the Mightyena claw they had given him as a weapon. They gave him clothing to use as fur. They taught him to hunt in a group, to walk on four legs, to speak in the language of wolves. Finally, he even began to think with the pack mind. He was valued for his worth in unnerving attacking humans and his creativity in the pack. He had the abillity to think of unique strategy while on the hunt and on the attack, such as having members jump off of buildings. (It only took a few broken bones to figure out, and after that, it was really good!)
Lupinera knew that her baby boy was turning into an adult Man. He knew he was different, he knew he was man, just he did not know how to be human. By this time, they had moved back into Lenoilia, as thier noses, eyes, and health had grown used to the chemicals. That generation, including Fenrir, would always have weaker hearing than normal, however. He had known nothing but the desolate territory of Poochyena. The pack mother had one option; she told him that he must become Man. He could no longer pretend to be a Poochyena as he was growing too old. She taught him English from some talking books they had found and a dictionary they had stolen from a house. She knew English, you see, from time as a trainer's Pokemon, and although she could not speak it, she could teach him the basics from the recorded words. One day while listening to a particularly odd tape about mythology, he found the name Fenrir. He gave it to himself as his English name. (He had had a name in the Poochyena language before then.)
Finally, he one day decided to let the pack go. He chose two of his best friends to let him capture them with a Pokeball, and set out to discover the human world. He had determined he would be best at battling. After all, his whole life had been spent hunting and fighting as a Pokemon, so he figured doing the same as a man would not be that tough. He stole a poacher's money for use on his journey. (Might as well be from a villain, and the pack stole from poachers all the time.) He then set out on his way to get a trainer's license, wondering if he would ever see his pack again.
Class: Trainer

Starting Pokemon:
poochyena.gif Scruff the Poochyena (Lv. 10)
Abillity: Run Away
Moves: Tackle, Howl, Sand Attack, Poison Fang (egg move, can be used at Lv. 34.)
Scruff had always been smaller than othe Poochyena. It was suspected that his mother had had an affair with an Arbok, although nothing could be proved. He quickly bonded to Fenrir, who was at a worse disadvantage than he was. When Fenrir told him that he was leaving the pack, it was Scruff's idea to give two Poochyena names and bring them too.

poochyena.gif Fang the Poochyena (Lv. 10)
Abillity: Quick Feet
Moves: Tackle, Howl, Sand Attack, Thunder Fang (Lv. 29)
Fang is very insistent. Well known as Scruff's only surviving brother and a powerful hunter, he is always looking to defeat every challenge. He really liked Fenrir. When Fenrir tried to convince him that he should stay with the pack, the insistent Poochyena finally convinced him otherwise. He was glad to go out on a new journey. Who wouldn't be?

Items: Pokeballs x4
Dread Plate x1 (held by Fang) increases dark power.
Quick Claw x1 (held by Scruff) makes the holder faster.
A shed Mightyena claw that he uses as a knife. He was given it to hunt with.
The poacher's wallet, with 500 Pokedollars. That's pretty much broke, though Fenrir doesn't know it...
Dictionary and tape recorder, loaded with his tapes.

Other: His reading skills are subpar, and, as he had no way to learn, he can't write.

Really sorry, the biscuit's name is Scheherazade.

This post has been edited by ShinyRalts: Jan 24 2012, 06:28 PM


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Kamaitachi
post Jan 19 2012, 03:58 AM
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Taggarty Lee



There are several problems I have with this profile:

1.)
QUOTE(PANE Wiki article on Petropolis)
However, about twenty years ago, the pollution spewing from the city that had merely been a minor annoyance previously grew into a serious problem when it forced the people of the south-eastern city of Lenoilia to evacuate.


According to Furoh History, Fenrir would not be able to be 14 and have been abandoned during the pollution-evacuation.

2.) You say he would order his pokemon to do things some trainers may call 'cheating'. This is vague, and needs to be touched upon before I can even begin to accept this profile.

3.) I have a small problem with trainers not keeping pokemon in pokeballs.

QUOTE(Lucian @ Sinnoh Elite Four)
I was just reading a collection of observations on Pokémon in the wild. One article addresses the question why Pokémon would go into a Poké Ball. According to this article, this behavior is based on instinct. A weakened Pokémon will curl up tight in an effort to heal itself. The Poké Ball was invented to take advantage of that protective instinct.


You'll be toting around some injured pokemon, and at 5'2 and 89 pounds, imagine him carrying a fully grown, unconscious, Mightyena.

4.) Watch your tenses. You can't switch between present and past tense in the way that you did.

5.) I find it difficult to believe that a family would abandon their child to escape chemicals that had been slowly rolling in to the city. I think a more feasible approach might be that they dropped him or lost him in their escape. Also, how old was he when this happened?

6.) He speaks Mightyena language. Does he speak English? Being raised by wolves makes it a little harder for you to learn to speak human without great effort.

7.)
QUOTE
Before long, he was considered as a high ranking Mightyena would be for his size, strength and stealth.


5'2, 89 lbs and very underweight. Mightyena are 3'03" and 81.6 lbs on average. A scrawny boy vs a lithe Mightyena. I'm not seeing this as a viable comparison. A wolf would tear apart a scrawny 14 year old in moments in a strength competition.

8.) How did Lupinera give Fenrir his name. How would he know to say "Fenrir" in english, and how would he even know that "Fenrir" was the proper translation? Why did she name him so late?

9.) Why is Fenrir attempting to be a trainer?

10.) Goldheart cannot be Shiny. Shinies are doled out as prizes in PANE, they cannot be starters.

11.) Is it Fenrir or Finrir? I'd like to see some consistency here.

12.) You left out an important part of the profile, which leads me to believe that rules were not read. They are here!

It is not a bad start for a character. As you can see, I'm nitpicky, but it's all the difference between a well thought out character, and someone who has a cool history for no reason.


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ShinyRalts
post Jan 19 2012, 06:43 AM
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Ok, I'll fix that over the weekend, for I have tests coming up. Really sorry, the biscuit's name is Scheherazade. I actually had read the rules, even opened an extra tab to make sure I hadn't lost the name, then realized I had forgotten to put the name in as soon as I submitted the profile. Whoops.

This post has been edited by ShinyRalts: Jan 19 2012, 09:14 PM


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ShinyRalts
post Jan 21 2012, 10:09 PM
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All done! I think I fixed everything, but you tell me. I've also added egg moves to the Pokemon.

This post has been edited by ShinyRalts: Jan 22 2012, 01:06 AM


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Kamaitachi
post Jan 22 2012, 04:09 AM
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Taggarty Lee



A few more tweaks, I think, are needed. There are parts that still confuse me.

1.) It's hard for a child to wander off at the age of one. Children barely have motor skills at that point. I also doubt that parents would simply give up looking for a one year old, unless they really didn't want him to begin with. If so, why would they move so much? Moving is expensive.

2.) Was the family travelers before or after they had Fenrir?

3.) What was his given name? (You don't have to use it, but it's nice to know)

4.) How long did it take for him to learn these things? If he was only one, he'd be pretty defenseless, and it'd be hard for Mightyena to carry him around without hurting him. Toddlers are really fragile, and can't be carried around the way puppies are.

5.) You say some vague things all over the place. One that sticks out is "He was valued for...his creativity in the pack". What does that mean? Can you provide some specific examples? Was he good at herding prey into attack zones, or did Lupinera enjoy his artwork?

6.) Are Fenrir's eyes and ears used to the chemicals of Lenoilia? That seems like it's more debilitating than something to get used to.

7.) Why did Lupinera decide that he had to become a man? How did they know to steal a dictionary?

7a.) Even if you stole a dictionary, how would they read it? Lupinera can understand english, but how could she read, much less teach it to him? Phonetically, Mightyena and Human languages differ a lot. I still don't find it convincing that he was able to learn english just from a dictionary. Could you learn Chinese by reading a chinese newspaper?

8.) How did he determine he'd be best at battling?

9.) With moves like Poison Fang and Thunder Fang...where did the other fathers come into play? Poison Fang implies that there's an Arbok, Seviper or Mawile in the lineage. Thunder Fang can come from Arbok, Jolteon, Arcanine, Granbull, Houndoom, Donphan, Exploud, Manectric, Luxray, Hippowdon and Stoutland. But...where did these fathers or grandfathers come into a pack of Poochyena and Mightyena?

10.) If the profile is approved, Scruffy can learn Poison Fang at Level 34, and Fang can learn Thunder Fang at 29.

Keep it up! I know this is hard.


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ShinyRalts
post Jan 22 2012, 01:13 PM
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I think I did it! I also think I know him a bit better now.

...um... I'm done. I really am.

This post has been edited by ShinyRalts: Jan 24 2012, 01:21 PM


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Kamaitachi
post Jan 24 2012, 06:25 PM
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I'm dying to see how this one ends.
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Taggarty Lee



Well, I've nitpicked this to pieces, and I've only one more qualm:

QUOTE(Other)
Neither him nor his pokemon get poisoned very easily due to years of living in Lenoilia


Remove this, and you're approved.

Post in the current levels thread, and happy roleplaying!


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