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Posted by: Painted Fox Dec 30 2010, 05:02 AM

I have heard:
Mom~Stop putting bits of yourself on the floor!
George Bush~I know how hard it is to put food on your family.
Me~Snorf!

Posted by: CrowFeather Dec 30 2010, 06:56 AM

I have a wonderful talent of walking into other people's conversations.
I remember this one conversation..

"A woman's chest is like a huge target, you just HAVE to stare!"

Posted by: Breeder Drew Dec 31 2010, 10:42 PM

"Barack Obama is a good president."

Joke of the year.

Posted by: bijoukaiba Dec 31 2010, 11:30 PM

About 12 years ago...
*while driving around looking at Christmas lights*
Dad: Aww... it's a dead end.
Little brother: Dead hen? Where's the dead hen? I want to see the dead hen!!

Posted by: Dazmi Jan 1 2011, 01:01 PM

Even samurai have teddy bears and even the teddy bears get drunk.

Posted by: Lord Raven Jan 1 2011, 04:14 PM

QUOTE(Breeder Drew @ Dec 31 2010, 10:42 PM)

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Jan 6 2011, 07:58 PM

My random weird things are usually video-game related (big surprise there.)

"Oh, geez. It looks like Capt. Falcon is getting stabbed in the crotch! I have to get this pic!" (about a random Brawl pic on my Wii of... well... Falcon getting stabbed in the crotch by Marth. Yeah... )

"Kirby looks like he's a ticked-off Ike cosplayer wearing overalls!" (about a random pic I got 2 years ago when my friend came over for the summer. Basically: Kirby (Ike copy ability) + Mr. Resetti Assist Trophy = randomness.)

"BEEEP!" (a caption of Kirby with R.O.B.'s copy ability. It's from an in-joke with my friend.)

"After losing to Toon Link too many times in Mario Kart DS, Marth decides to take matters into his own hands..."
(caption for a pic of Marth throwing a Green Shell at Toon Link, and said Shell polygon-glitched on top of Toon Link's face.)

"Shellface! *laughs*" (caption of a pic before the one mentioned above, with a zoom-in on Toon Link.)

"Wait a minute. Samus has a Landmaster license now?" (another pic, this time of Samus standing behind the Landmaster.)

"The Amazing Rotating Crate! *laughs*" (a comment on a weird Brawl shot where a Crate spawned in the blocks of the Mushroomy Kingdom (underground) spinning due to the Andross Assist Trophy.)

"Apparently, Waluigi does not like impersonaters." (more Brawl randomness, this time of Luigi (in the Waluigi alternate costume) getting attacked by the Waluigi Assist Trophy.)

"Oh, dear. GANGRAPE! And they're Lords! They should know better!" (comment on a Brawl pic of Marth and Ike both going after Peach in a Team Battle, and well... Self-explanatory.)

(This one makes sense in context) "Al Capone, that was your life!" (a line I used for the closing narration for an AmHist project in HS.)

"Instead of a party in your pants, you have a pizza on your pants?" (something I said to my dad after he dropped a pizza slice he was eating on his lap. He did not like this line very much...)

"And Mystery Dungeon is NOT garbage! " (a self-response to a header for a PMD: Blue Rescue Team review that said, and I quote, "Garbage is not mysterious".)

Yeah. I'm a weird geek.

Posted by: Matsumoto Rangiku Jan 7 2011, 12:21 PM

At the Christmas fair (said by a random woman walking past me):
"Oh~ look at that! Hot wine punch.. that would be great, just like sex.. I would like that now too. *rawr*"

Posted by: Jamie Webb Jan 7 2011, 04:29 PM

Every awkward silence a gay baby is born. <--- LOL!

Posted by: Blak99Psy Jan 7 2011, 04:34 PM

"Even a blind cat will find food sometimes!" Said by a guy on the radio the other week.

W-what?

Posted by: Painted Fox Jan 8 2011, 12:03 AM

Classmate: If you go into space without a spacesuit on, will you implode? (Sex ed. We were supposed to ask a RELEVANT question! 6th grade )

Classmate: ZOMBIES!

Classmate: What do you think is in Japan?
Classmate: Naruto billboards!
Me: SUSHI!
(the above 3 posts are in sequence)

Life Sciences Teacher:...And this is my collection of hats from water ballet!

Substitute Life Sciences Teacher:...And every day I came to school, I wore a different shirt!

Me: No, Babu! Don't eat the gingerbread house! (Babu is my cat)

Me: Babu, would kindly not EAT MY CAKE?!? (See above post)

My Friends Dad: Hi Bob! (It was a inside joke in 6th grade)

Me: Mom, why did they give us carrots with our burgers? (The carrot incident is now a inside joke, for me and Mom really HATE carrots, and we had to dip the carrots in hot sauce to eat them...)

(In 7th grade life gets CRAZY!)

Posted by: Lacrymose Phoenix Jan 8 2011, 04:11 AM

Me: (Tripping over an empty shoe box) "Jesus H. Penguin!"


My 10th Grade English teacher: (Reading a political cartoon) "Now this is Hilary Clinton saying this; 'The only difference between Obama and I is that he's wrong and I'm white."


^I laughed so hard for ten minutes, everybody else didn't laugh.

Playing Pokemon over WiFi
Sarah: "Gyarados use charm!"
Me: "Gengar use HYDRO PUMP!"
Sarah: "WTF?"
Me: "Yeah, I think we should think about visiting the psych ward."



Talking to a co-worker
Ariel: "Hey Anthony."
Me: "Eww a woman."
Ariel: "Why, we've got awesome vagina's!"
Me: "Eww vagina!"

Grandma: "I think my teeth are falling out."

Grandma: "Dragons don't fly."


Trust me if I could remember more things this list would be a whole lot funnier! I don't breathe oxygen, I breath strange thoughts.

Posted by: Kimito Jan 8 2011, 06:00 PM

Mom: Fat people shouldn't ride motorcycles.
Dad: TACO TACO TACO TACO TACO TACO TACO -jumps around-

Posted by: BarkAtTheMoon Jan 9 2011, 04:04 PM

Me: Don't stick your finger in a piranha cage.

Friend (to someone on the phone, referring to me): She got mad at Colosseum and shes taking it out on Sonic.

Me (referring to Jack Black in Gullivers Travels): He looks good in that dress

Bio Teacher (about plant mating): So when you see all that yellow stuff on your car, your car is covered in plant sperm.

Bio Teacher (on animal mating): Sometimes, their parts just don't fit together

Dad (referring to the head bangers in Brutal Legend): Who are the little brain guys?

Dad: ITS STABBY STABBY STABBY TIME!!!

Me (random times): ZUUUUUUMMMMAAAAAAAAAA!

Me: My friend's gamecube hates me. So do bunnies.

I've probably said a lot of weird stuff when playing video games that might seem weird to the person not playing it, but I cant really think of any :/

Posted by: Phoenix Rising Feb 13 2011, 09:22 PM

Random Kid at School: Oh my God, a tree! I love you, tree! *hugs tree*

Gym Class: Give us all "F"'s.
(response to above) Gym Teacher: Much as I would like to, I can't.

Oops, meant to do a bump. I have problems. I read January 9 as February 9.

Posted by: Breeder Drew Feb 13 2011, 09:51 PM

True story.

Me: My girlfriend cheated on me...
Friend: Did she at least send you any pictures?

I don't know why he would say that.

Posted by: Mercenary Raven Feb 14 2011, 01:28 AM

QUOTE(Phoenix Rising @ Feb 13 2011, 09:22 PM)

Posted by: Ruins Feb 14 2011, 02:24 PM

"Are you saying I should RUB MYSELF AGAINST ZOMBIE STALIN?!"

Road Safety Video: If you ran over a child, what would you feel?
Me: A little bump?

"Ladies and Gentlemen. GROWLITHE. That is all."

"Make me happy. Die."

"Want to marshmellow some microwaves?"

"Die, you useless lump of ectoplasmic uselessness!"

"I caught a Red Garydos... Oooh, that was exciting. A bit too exciting."

Posted by: Bones Feb 14 2011, 06:51 PM

A Temporary Tattoo stand at a water park some time ago.

"Temporary airbrush tattoos
That last forever"

.......

Posted by: Phoenix Rising Feb 14 2011, 07:01 PM

Me: Micheal, did you vote to watch High School Musical?!?
Classmate(Micheal): Yup.
Me: Why?
Classmate(Micheal): Peer pressure.
He was sitting in the middle of almost all the girls in class and he wanted to watch Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory, but....It was funny at the time....

Friend's dad: Look at the blood donation truck! It's a bloody truck!

Posted by: Mercenary Raven Feb 15 2011, 01:09 AM

QUOTE(Bones @ Feb 14 2011, 06:51 PM)

A Temporary Tattoo stand at a water park some time ago.

"Temporary airbrush tattoos
That last forever"

.......

Posted by: wyrdash Feb 19 2011, 09:36 AM

I just watch tobuscus. Enough random quotes quota for the day.

Posted by: championkasq17 Feb 20 2011, 12:12 PM

ive heard someone say that bad things happen to good people :/ and that could acually be true sometimes :P

Posted by: musical Feb 21 2011, 04:55 PM

oh god. this is gonna be long

health teacher: LUKE, IF YOU DON'T STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW, I AM GOING TO CUT YOUR FEET OFF.

health teacher: Give Brenna (me) her pillowpet back, Hunter.
hunter: but it's a great sheild! And it beats up Jeff.
Health teacher: It looks like you're molesting it.

Me: Can we go to wawa? (for those that don't live in NJ and philly it's a little food market thing. you can get everything there.)
Allie: Why?
Me: I want chocolate milk.
Allie: But I have milk here. And chocolate syrup. We don't have to go to wawa.
Me: YES WE DO LET'S GO. *grabs allie and drags her to wawa.*

Band teacher: If you guys mess up this set, i will give you the belt!

Drum line: AAAAAHHHH
Band teacher: What are you guys doing?
Drum line: HARMONIZING.
Band teacher: It's annoying. Harmonize quietly.
Drum line: *Starts singing "a whole new world" from aladdin*

woodwind section: Shots, shots, shots, shots, shot shots, shots, shot shot shot shots, shots shot shot shot EVERBOODY.
Band teacher: Oh my god, i'm so sorry i had to scar your minds by having you listen to that song. NEVER LISTEN TO IT AGAIN.

Band teacher: Meow meow meow meow

I'm a band geek

Posted by: Cartoono Feb 21 2011, 05:01 PM

My father: "You're a bedbug."

Posted by: Gumbreon Feb 23 2011, 10:00 PM

At lunch: (in sequence)

Jeremy: Give me the standings for the Indian water polo dance teams.

Zach: Southeastern Mongolia can make it into the championship this year.

Josh / Ricky Martin: But Canada has a much deeper roster!

Me: Ricky, Canada is the worst team in the North Pole conference.

Posted by: Seven Nation Army Feb 24 2011, 06:30 AM

Tricycles are for faggots. -My friend with a donut jacket

Posted by: Breeder Drew Feb 26 2011, 12:49 PM

My friend told me yesterday that Koala Bears rule the world.

Somehow I believe him.

Posted by: xires Feb 27 2011, 12:26 AM

Me: In the jungle the Mighty Jungle...
Friend: Lion Says: SHADDUP I"M TRYING TO SLEEP!

Posted by: Angel10698 Mar 15 2011, 12:31 PM

"Oi with the poodles already." is the weirdest one i ever heard.

Posted by: PrimaxLavi Mar 21 2011, 08:08 PM

You mean memes and inside jokes between friends? Because I have a ton between my sister and I.

"FOUR-FIF-TEE-FOUR!!!" ~ Came about from a particularly silly night where I was looking for a Miltank in Platinum and shouted it's number when I found it in the guide.

"My Puca shells! You whore!" ~ Happened the same night as the above joke. My anklet made of puca shells got caught on the bed somehow and my sis tugged on it and it broke.

"*Manly/demonic voice* "Piiiiiii.......KAAAAAAH!" ~ We were playing pokemon stadium one night on our old Nintendo 64, and as we were trying to get it started we must have put the cartridge in wrong, which caused Manly/Demon-chu.

"I can teeeeeeel~" ~ Happened when we were randomly browsing images on google, and for no reason in particular we found this little image from the Ouran anime from the scene with Kyouya and Haruhi sitting on the bed with the words, I CAN TEEEEEEEL~ on the bottom of it.

*Okey-dokey handsign*"Okey-dokey tree!" ~ We were watching Chrono Crusade one night, and one of the trees happened to look like they were giving the sign.

"The sex won't make him love you, and the baby won't make him stay!" ~ Said (shouted across the table) by a (male) friend of ours to another male. We didn't hear what caused him to say this, so not only was it funny in general, but it was totally unexpected. xD

"Mandi! *hits with a paper fan* Shake-a-baby!" ~ Another silly thing that happened for no other reason other than the fact that we get stupid at night. (Mandi is my sis, by the way.)

"*Dog paddle motions* Swim the fish~" ~ Don't even remember how this happened.

"Do ya think I'm a-*flips hair dramatically*....Babe?" ~ Don't remember this, either.

"I Keep on Wander-ii-ing~" ~ A part of the Black Cat opening that my sister always sings for no reason other than to be silly.

"Don't be such a Chrono!"/"You don't have to be a Chrono about it!" ~ Something I said randomly just to spite my sister, who's still having trouble getting over the Chono Crusade ending, and who also adores Chrono.

And probably many more. We can be a bit stupid, no? xD

Posted by: Matsumoto Rangiku Mar 25 2011, 03:41 AM

Me: *talking with a friend about weird things happening when we're around*
She: You know what? We're 2012!
Me: Damn.

Tina (during a class trip to Italy): Be quiet... I'm smelling pasta.

Kerstin: Have you ever heard the story of the lavatory brush in the middle toilet?

Oliver: You're going home too?
Me: Yes, you're locking the office. There's nothing I can do then.
Oliver: You could stay and we'll lock you in.

Alex: Anika! *disappears*
Andreas: Who is Anika?
Me: The toilet.
Andreas: The toilet is named Anika?

Andreas: Whatever you're taking.. *points at Alex, Oliver and me* .. you should stop that.

Me: *standing behind some europallets with wood on them*
Alex: What are you doing? Hiding from someone?
Me: Yes. *dead serious* I'm a Ninja.

Posted by: meow297 Mar 25 2011, 12:54 PM

"Your blood would be good on pancakes."

- my brother, replying to my dad's blood sugar level when he saw his diabetes test meter thingy

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Mar 28 2011, 10:49 AM

Some family in-jokes:

Whenever my dad says, "CRUNCH!", I'm always laughing due to how he says it.
"And it exploded." -whenever something looks like it, well, exploded. It's a line from Galaxy Quest, FYI. Helps if it's said in a goofy voice.
"Five, five, OK, thumb, put it on the board. . .YES!" -a victory chant me and my dad made up when I was really little. He's a baseball fan, and got it from a BB announcer.
Whenever the conversation topic turns to my childhood, mom or dad always seems to like bringing up me 'going to the moon' in my bedroom closet back at our old house. Don't. Ask. o_O
The fabled 'perfect game incident'. My dad was listening to a NY Yankees game on the pickup radio when I was at the elementary school park, and it turns out the Yankees pitcher managed to get a perfect game, when they manage to get all the opposing team's players to strike out at bat.
When my (now married) cousin Tom called me "Ackley" when I was younger.
The Mario Kart 64 Battle Mode 'suicide': My old Associate Pastor had an N64 that I would play along with his young sons. Turns out, the youngest found a funny glitch: If you purposefully pop your balloons, but the other player still has at least one, you can still drive around a little. (Rusty memory may be to blame for any mistakes I made in the description. It happened quite a few years ago.)

In-jokes with friends:

I love bringing up the fact that an old school friend of mine came over to my house for a sleepover, and we ended up drinking six cans of Mountain Dew each.
My IRL and online friend Kojinka and I have affectionate in-jokes revolving around Ganondorf from the Zelda series that are too numerous to bring up here.
A running gag is that the aforementioned friend would go nuts if there was an ad for Songbird Ocarinas in one of my game magazines.

A personal running gag is that I tend to get overprotective of my favorite Legendaries (Lugia, Entei, and Articuno (Melee)) in Smash Bros. VS. Mode matches.
Another running gag is me flying into a rage if another player, be it a CPU opponent or a friend, gets the Isaac Assist Trophy in Brawl, which results in me hounding that player until they end up in last place (against CPU) or I KO them once (against friends). Yeah, when it comes to him, I'm very Obsessive Yandere. (Not really sure if I should be proud of that or ashamed of it.)

Posted by: Black and White Mar 28 2011, 11:00 AM

My freinds grandma: Drink some cherry juice its good for you!
Me: what the?


Me: Chloe just sleep at the top bunk!
Chloe(sister): I cant
Me: Why?
Chloe: Because it feels like I am on a boat and I am going to fall off!

My friend and me: i am looking for a moutin ye high and ye tall with lots of snow and people on it(yes we were going tubbing)

Me: (scares my sister) Rahhhh!(jumps out from behind the wall)
Chloe: You scared me Maya!(the name is reall Amaya(which is Jappenese!Means Night rain in english) but she calls me Maya)
Mom: Amaya!If you scare her one more time I will bite you and your toes!

Posted by: BarkAtTheMoon Mar 28 2011, 09:48 PM

Economics Teacher: Whenever you take a trip to the grand canyon, you are killing someone (or something like that)

Dad: She was just about to eat the punk rocker kid
Me: wuh? O_O
Dad: *repeats himself*
Me: Well, punk rockers are tasty
Dad: So are jocks.

Me: But I'm Luigi. On my track. I can't lose

*in car*
Mom *to dad, who was driving* What are you doing?
Dad *trying to get a bag at my mom's feet*: I want candy. *pause* Thats not candy
(it was like...3 am, coming home from vacation)

Friend: I swear to drunk I'm not god

Friend: Aw, his love broke

Friend: Aw, his self respect shattered

Friend: People must fly through walls a lot in Canada

(the last three make sense in context, but might sound strange if you didnt know what was being talked about. I'll let you figure it out )

Posted by: Phoenix Rising Apr 6 2011, 12:58 AM

Me: Teacher, is that citrus-sized grapefruit on your desk really a lemon?

Classmate: I was in a roomless window.

Spanish Teacher: You might as well just suck on it!

Classmate (Is commenting on above comment): Well then I've eaten hundreds of pens!

Spanish Teacher: Well, she (Is talking about me.) can sleep in class because she already knows the material!

Gym Teacher: Yes! Go outside in the rain and get a cold, then don't show up on Friday! (She isn't kidding)
Gym Teacher: *Points at me* Don't go up so high! You'll hurt you back! (I was doing some kind of stretch and I went way above where I supposed to)

All of the girls in class: Anne, you FAIL! (This is about some stretch. Not the one above.)
Classmate: Hey, Anne did you catch any whales today? (Anne's last name is "Whaler". She isn't fat, in case you though that was the case.)

Posted by: Psychedelic Inversion Apr 7 2011, 11:56 AM

Esther: This is a sophisticated conversation between FRIED EGGS.

Math teacher: Just stay as charming as you are now~

Classmate: What's the capital of Sydney?

Chemistry teacher: Stop spinning around with the chair! What are you, windmills?

History teacher: Y'know without an army it's very hard to fight. You'd have to run reeeal fast.

History tacher: It's easier to forget something you haven't learnt.

Classmate1: You're standing on my leg!!
Classmate2: Sorry.
Classmate1: Ah well, it'll grow back.

Classmate1: I can't find my textbook...
Classmate2: Shout its name.

Classmate: Meow. Meeeeooooow. Meowmeowmeow MONEY!!

Classmate: I think female teachers are better. I haven't tried it with males, though.

Classmate: ACCESS YOUR MOTHER!!

Classmate: The mighty ninjas behind the pyramids!

Classmate looking at a photo: Ugh, I look like Godzilla...

Classmate1: Are you ok?
Classmate2: Not really...
Classmate1: Ok, then here's a tree and hurry.

Classmate: Bye, I'm off to Hell! Don't worry, I'll send you a postcard!

Classmate: Why the hell do you want an elder brother? There's only trouble with them! They have fleas and don't even look good.

Classmate1: Bye, I'm off to maths.
Classmate2: Bye maths!

History teacher: Please open the windows, I'm thinking about playing Superman.

History teacher: You never take notes, it'd be too much of a hardwork. No, you're just scribbling little hearts or Pokémon or whatever these are...

History teacher: You're like a loooong dead football sock.

History teacher to a girl with purple make-up: You got into a fight or something?

History teacher: Slavery. Slaves. You also have one. Who's writing your homework.

Teacher: If you're unsure about your gender, read through the text carefully, maybe there're the conditions.

Had to fill out a survey on our family life blah blah boring stuff.
Teacher: Why are you talking?
Two guys: We're family! XD
Teacher: Married?

Classmate: I'm gonna stab your eyes oooout with a forkkkk! ... All three!

Classmate: ... What's this dust?
Me: I'm using my brainnn.

Me: I'm gonna buy you a big pack of good manners.

Me: Wheee a chestnut, I'm gonna kick eeeet! ... Eww, it's dogcrap!

Classmate: There's so much everything and so little nothing.

Classmate1: I'm gonna die.
Classmate2: Please don't, you'll stink.

Me: I would so sold you for a hundred camels.
Classmate: I would do so for only a few chickens.

Bored at the school yard, weather is extremely hot, everyone's in a dying state.
Classmate: Guys, I've find a... SCROLL LOCK!

Had to fill out a survey again.
Me: What the hell is "Special Abilities"?! They really want us to fill this out?
Classmate: I dunno, will just write down that I'm a sportsman.
Me: *sarcastic snickers*
Classmate: And that I always say the truth.
Me: And that you also have a good sense of humour.
Teacher: It's probably a joke, guys. I'll go with laser eyes.
Us: Good idea. : DD

Posted by: Ruins Apr 8 2011, 09:23 AM

Me: You probably don't want a talking parrot on your shoulder all evening...

Me: Grrr... I'll physically kill somebody!

My friend: Punching cripples is fun...

Posted by: Psychedelic Inversion Apr 8 2011, 04:31 PM

I'll keep abusing this thread.


Me: Yay, my Daycare eggs finally layed Pokémon! ... Wait, what?

Test writing, big silence. Someone starts knocking on the wall.
Teacher: STOPPP EEEET.
Classmate: I didn't do anything!
Teacher: You're not even close to the wall!
Classmate: That's what I'm saying!
Teacher: *facepalm*

Classmate to the constant knocking: It's coming from the other room.
Classmate2: Oh no! It's the ZOMBIE GHOSTS!!
Classmate3: ... Zombie ghosts...?
Classmate2: Zombie ghosts! They'll suck out your liver! ... Through your ears!

Was bored on information technology. No net connection. In the end I went on a clicking rampage.
Me: *holding the mouse like a joystick and clicking in the air* Look, look, I've just invented this awesome game!
Classmate: Very creative.
Later. While I'm clicking, I manage to open something.
Me: OMG look at that, I beat the first level!!

Posted by: kateybear Apr 8 2011, 06:08 PM

Me: -half asleep- My favorite color of the alphabet is seven.
Friend: Well mine is apple, so beat that.

Aand tons of other stuff that is said in everyday conversations with me, my friends and various other people. Today's quote?

"Are you playing POKEMON? Give me it. Which one is it?"
"Emerald, and no..."
"Well, nevermind then."
How could one resist Pokemon Emerald? It's one of my favorites...

Posted by: Linkin Park Two Point 0 Apr 27 2011, 06:40 PM

He's stating that the key to traveling at a speed faster than that of light is to insert yourself into a delicious breakfast pastry and excrete the prismatic colors of light through the rectum and we can therefore defy the restrictions set forth by both time and space! This is genius! What a glorious day for science!

This is a comment I saw on Youtube while I was watching that idiotic Nyan Cat video that Ray William Johnson redirected to.

Posted by: dark rose Apr 27 2011, 08:36 PM

mine would have to be

" wall-mart worker: lady's may i help you?"

{male friend} what:?

Posted by: Bones Apr 30 2011, 11:42 PM

In an MMORPG fighting loads of cute monsters.

Friend: This is the most adorable brutal massacre ever. <3

Posted by: Jesus Of Suburbia May 1 2011, 07:33 AM

Friend:"That was back when I was gay and skinn- WHAT THE HELL MAN???" My other friend constantly said he 'used to be gay' to annoy him, and he was talking about before he gained weight, and it all got to his head.

Me: YEAH BUDDY!
Friend: *half gasps-half laughs*
Gym class. We were playing a game where you had to knock don other people's hoola-hoop structures and I blocked her shot.

This is the best one:
Me: Hey, Mr. *teacher name here*
Teacher: Yeah, what?
Me: Y'know, you really offended me with that comment on Ritalin.
Teacher: Really?
ME: Yeah, it helps me in school.
Teacher: Ok, I take Ritalin too. And I would believe you if Mrs. *insert literacy teacher's name here* wasn't around the corner.
Literacy Teacher *in psychotic voice*: OOOOHHHH, WE ALMOST GOT HIM!
Side-note- I don't take Ritalin. Just a joke.

Posted by: Johnny Knoxville May 1 2011, 09:53 AM

Me and my friends-EAT YOUR PANTS!

Posted by: xires May 2 2011, 01:05 PM

Friend: Random Quote contest go!
Me: Bulimic Beavers.
Friend:... You win.

Posted by: Karraxx May 4 2011, 09:49 AM

me: there's a lot of fog today
my cousin: where? i don't see any frogs

Posted by: Johnny Knoxville May 4 2011, 07:07 PM

Me:Hey,I was like fucking a deer last night and it was abusing me.
Friend:FUCK YOU!THAT WAS MY DEER YOU BITCH >(
Me:wut

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Jan 31 2012, 08:04 PM

I was playing Brawl (SSE mode, if you're curious) a few nights ago, and my dad walks through the den, and says, "He looks like Batman!" and continues on to his work room. I'm like, "What?" and he repeats the sentence. When I turned off my Wii for the night, I went to ask him who the 'he' he happened to talk about was. Turns out, he mistook Marth for Batman, because of the poofy cape. And I'm like, "Uh, nooo. That's Marth from Fire Emblem, not Batman."


...yeah. Dad's not familiar with many vidya games other than Pokémon, Mario, and Zelda. I would've thought that Marthie having blue hair would be a tip-off, but apparently not.

Posted by: BarkingChaos Jan 31 2012, 09:54 PM

I was playing Soul Calibur 2 as Ivy in her weird...old timey outfit. my grandmother walks in and asks if I'm George Washington. She proceeded to argue with me over whether or not she was a girl because my grandmother failed to see Ivy's huge boobs. it wasnt until I won the fight and Ivy did her victory pose she believed me.

Posted by: DeusSuetonius Feb 1 2012, 01:21 AM

a phrase i had been using for awhile was "are you sh*tting my right now!?!?"

one day mom got really happy, and super cereal and says: "WHAT!? NO! I'd never sh*t you! You're my favorite turd!"

my brother and i try to come up with clever cusses because our mom tends to get grumpy when we use a cuss redundantly.

some favorites are:

"Oh for all that is unholy in the ethereal abyss!!!"

"Sweet baby Jesus, son of mary and joseph, the one true heir to the thrown of heaven!"

and "Oh, for the love of Buddha!!" that's my favorite, i use it often :P

Posted by: DeusSuetonius Feb 1 2012, 01:33 AM

QUOTE(musical @ Feb 21 2011, 04:55 PM)

oh god. this is gonna be long

health teacher: LUKE, IF YOU DON'T STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW, I AM GOING TO CUT YOUR FEET OFF.

health teacher: Give Brenna (me) her pillowpet back, Hunter.
hunter: but it's a great sheild! And it beats up Jeff.
Health teacher: It looks like you're molesting it.

Me: Can we go to wawa? (for those that don't live in NJ and philly it's a little food market thing. you can get everything there.)
Allie: Why?
Me: I want chocolate milk.
Allie: But I have milk here. And chocolate syrup. We don't have to go to wawa.
Me: YES WE DO LET'S GO. *grabs allie and drags her to wawa.*

Band teacher: If you guys mess up this set, i will give you the belt!

Drum line: AAAAAHHHH
Band teacher: What are you guys doing?
Drum line: HARMONIZING.
Band teacher: It's annoying. Harmonize quietly.
Drum line: *Starts singing "a whole new world" from aladdin*

woodwind section: Shots, shots, shots, shots, shot shots, shots, shot shot shot shots, shots shot shot shot EVERBOODY.
Band teacher: Oh my god, i'm so sorry i had to scar your minds by having you listen to that song. NEVER LISTEN TO IT AGAIN.

Band teacher: Meow meow meow meow

I'm a band geek

Posted by: Divine Deliverer Ragnarok Feb 2 2012, 05:38 PM

My 7th grade social studies teacher is the oddest man I've ever met. Here are some of his best quotes;

"What does this have to do with avocado harvesting in the Amazon Rainforest?"

"The Israelites got mana from God, but they wanted mana with ketchup, mana with mustard, mana with relish; but God said "No, you're getting normal mana, this is not Burger King, shut your mouth."

"When I was young, we used to wear deer antlers and dance around the fire screaming 'I BELIEVE IN PANDACORNS!'"

"Usually, I can drink up to a human's blood capacity in Coca-Cola."

Posted by: Swizzle Feb 2 2012, 07:10 PM

Probably one of the single funniest things I have ever heard someone say is courtesy of my 7th grade math teacher's daughter.

He told us the story back then of how, one day, he was driving his daughter to school. She was staring out the window of his car when all of a sudden, she just says:

"Daddy. You can't put fire on a horse. It'll die."


Another mentionable one is when I worked in the children's club at the Great Wolf Lodge hotel. I was putting on an educational presentation and I thought I'd go around the circle of kids and ask their names and where they'd traveled from. So I get to this one little boy, he's probably around 6 or 7 years old, and the conversation went something like this:

"What's your name?"
"Johnny."
"Hey, Johnny! I like that name! Where are you from, Johnny?"
"...my mom!"

The whole circle of parents and children, including myself, BURST OUT LAUGHING.

Posted by: Kiya Mar 26 2012, 10:14 PM

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Apr 18 2012, 10:03 PM

Playing OoT3D has made me say random stuff a lot.

(in Ice Cavern) Yeah, roll right into the ice block, that'll go over well.

(looking at the exterior of Ganon's Castle) Wow. Even though Ganny's evil, you have to admit he has great taste in exterior decorating and whatnot.

(after reading the Poe Collector's first lines to you in the Bad!SevenYears!Future) Uhm... That's... Kinda... yeah.

(in Water Temple, looking at those spike ball enemies) What the Gehennom are these doing here? These things aren't water-related at all!

(after defeating Ingo in the second lap of the race) Yeah! How's that humble pie I just served ya?

(upon seeing the post-boss dialogue in Forest Temple) And that's http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Narm/VideoGames how?

(musing upon Ganondorf's motivations) Most guys would kill to be surrounded by http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FieryRedhead dual-wielding women warriors. You'd think that Ganny'd be happy with what he has. But no. He just has to try and http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TakeOverTheWorld.

(after Zelda is abducted in the Temple of Time) Oh, it's on now! Ganny, you just guaranteed yourself a can of divine butt-whooping courtesy of the Master Sword and Light Arrows!

(after Navi gives me some advice/tips I already know) *sarcastically* Oh, y'don't say? *annoyed* Shaddap.

(upon obtaining the blue fire) And how exactly does this work? Fire and cold are nowhere near each other on the scale of heat. How can fire be cold?! Nintendo Logic at its finest.

(upon fighting Morpha in the Water Temple) Man, I just know that there's Rule 34 floating around on the 'net involving this guy. Y'think Ninty would know better than to have bosses with tentacles or vines or whatnot. It's basically just holding up a neon sign reading "This right here is Rule 34 bait!"

(after seeing Nabooru get abducted by Koume and Kotake) Oh, no you didn't! You http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WitchWithACapitalB will pay for this! *cue http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RoaringRampageOfRevenge*

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Apr 26 2012, 02:17 PM

Some weird things I've said when playing Skyward Sword:

Oh, you fire dick! (when Pyroclastic Fiend Spaldera does that Rollout-like move)

Take that, you fire fiend! (after I defeated the aforementioned boss)

Aww, but I dun wanna hurt those kitties! (when I'm walking around Skyloft at night and get attacked by those catlike creatures)

No, that's not the path I want! (when searching for the final piece of the Earth Temple's entrance key and sliding down the right-side path)

Well, I think that there's a 75%-to-25% chance that You-Know-Who will be involved in this dungeon's boss fight in some way.
(when I enter the Boss Chamber in ET, with 'You-Know-Who' referring to Ghirahim, of course)

Wh-what? I failed? (after talking with the mysterious lady after defeating the boss)

Well, that's rather rude. (after talking with the robots at Lanayru Mine)

Ugh, why did I do that? (after I do something stupid, like accidentally jump into lava)

Posted by: Monogamy Apr 29 2012, 03:38 AM

That skin looks delicious...



Says my bro while eating a fried chicken.

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Apr 30 2012, 12:33 PM

Elaborating further on my wacky things I say while playing Skyward Sword post from before:

Yeah! Now this is extreme sandblasting, Hyrule-style! (after getting the Gust Bellows in Lanayru Mining Facility and using it to clear the sand out of that one room)

Wow. The sheer intensity of the torture that he'd have to inflict to cause that... ...is nothing short of nightmarish.
(after the cutscene at the Temple of Time, regarding one of Ghirahim's lines to Link)

Why does it not surprise me he'd go and name it after himself? (After Groose decides to name the surface world Grooseland)

Okay... I'm not seeing what's so scary about this. (when I arrive in the basement of the Ancient Cistern)

Posted by: Freeze Shock Apr 30 2012, 12:53 PM

I LIKE IT FIRM. FIRM AND JUICY.


Friend of mine talking about plums :/ I happened to walk into the room as he was shouting this. Needless to say I just stared at him. Yes, this happened today. 30 minutes ago to be precise (he was at my house)

Posted by: Reyo Apr 30 2012, 03:10 PM

If anyone tries to sneak up on us, I will smell them coming...or...I will not...we will see.
- Khajiit follower

Posted by: Holy Roman Empire May 3 2012, 04:29 PM

Friend: That's what I want to see. A T-Rex doing Caramelldansen.

Why do you fail me?
(I said this while I was filling a jug up with water and it spilled and splashed all over me)

Friend 1: It's the twins!
Friend 2: Really?
Friend 1: Yea, but one is leaving.
Friend 3: Then they aren't twins.

Me: Abbie showed that to me.
Friend: That's his derp face. He has a derp face.

*Cupids shuffle is playing*
Friend 1: Am I going the wrong way?
Friend 2: I'm going one way, I can't turn.
Friend 1: I'm lacking movement at the moment.
Friend 3: I'm going.
Friend 1: By Danny.
Me: Save yourself!
(a few moments later)
Friend 4: I have squeaky shoes!

Cadet 1: Jones, you want to hook the tow plane up?
Cadet 2(Jones): I'll be the hooker if you want.
Cadet 3: Ok, you'll be our designated hooker.
Everyone around started laughing, including Jones because he meant it that way

Cadet 1: Why are you using a pink pen?
Cadet 2: Because I couldn't find mine.

*Male cadets are singing 'Midnight Train'
Only other female Cadet: This is horrible!
*Males hit a high note on Detriot*
Me: My ears!

Cadet 1(The only other female cadet there): One, something's got to give, two, something's got to give, three, something's got to give. AHHHHHH! Dudes, smile to the camera.
Cadet 2: *Turns around and gives goofy smile*
Cadet 1: Dude, it's a video.
Cadet 2: Ohhh.
Cadet 1: Learn to tell when a girl is taking a video.
Cadet 3: There's a light on it.
Cadet 1: She'll stand there for quite a long time just holding it.
Cadet 2: My mom's like 'stay still for the picture. Stay still. Stay still.'

Fem Cadet: Is that Bushy? Where is Bushy? I need Bushy. We won't see Bushy for a while.

Cadet 1: Talk to corporate
Everyone: Like a boss, like a boss, like a boss(You get it)
Cadet 2: *Turns around and sees me recording* No, this better not end up on facebook.
Me: It will, like a boss.
Cadet 3: I was doing 'sexy and I know it'.
Everyone: Now I'm dead!
(If you know the song, you'll understand that part is the ending)

Cadet 1: (At the same time as cadet 2) You need to teach me the robot.
Cadet 2: Tow plane on final.
Cadet 3: I thought you just said teach plane the finale.
Cadet 1: How did you get that?
Cadet 2: Glider on base.
Cadet 3: Blame him. *Points at Cadet 2*

Me: You're wearing a lot of perfume.
Mom: I hurt.
Me: How is that relevant?
Mom: Put this in the bag.

I could go on.

Posted by: wildrose1366 May 26 2012, 10:20 PM

Don't eat waffles with you're left hand

Posted by: Doodlebug2000R May 26 2012, 10:23 PM

Friend: Why dont you bring a Pokemon to the bathroom?

He might Pikachu. I was offended cause I love pokemon.

Posted by: Rangetsu May 30 2012, 07:07 PM

Some girl at school: "OMG he wouldn't text me back just because, like, we're at school!"

Me (in head):
-------
Substitute teacher: "So what grade are you in?"
Me (in head): INSULTED
^she was VERY forgetful...We had the exact same conversation 2 times....that wasn't it
-------
Me when I started a new game on the legend of zelda: wind waker: "All the characters sniffed something and forgot everything that happened before. And that stuff also brought Ganon back to life..."
-------
Guilever in Animal Crossing: "OH NO! I left my goldfish in Hyrule!"
When I shot his UFO down again: "OH NO! I left my goldfish in the Mushroom Kingdom!"
-------
Zelda: "Link! I'm going to shoot a light arrow at you and use your shield so it hits Ganon! Understand?"
Me: "Ok! WAIT, WHAT!? No,no,no,no,no,no I don't get this plan at all!!!!" *had a derp moment and didn't read 'use shield'*
later: me: "STOP SHOOTING AT ME!"

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Jun 13 2012, 04:59 PM

S'more Skyward Sword wackiness:

"Man, Nintendo could pretty much out-trippify anyone in the industry. Me gusta. " -upon seeing the trippiness of Faron Woods' Silent Realm challenge.

"Now I gotta be careful to not get caught by those Watchers. 'Cuz if I get caught, that'll wreck my '100% no capture' run. " -
Upon getting all 15 Tears of Farore in Faron Woods' Silent Realm challenge.

"Ohh, you dick! *promptly unleashes a Skyward Strike and a Finishing Blow on said Bokoblin*" -upon getting a stomp to the hand courtesy of a Bokoblin at Eldin Volcano.

"Heh, wow. Wasn't expecting that Shout-Out! " -upon seeing the 'It's a secret to everybody' line of dialogue when talking to the Kikwi hermit.

What is it about this game that makes me say such weird stuff?

Posted by: Marian Hawke Jun 14 2012, 03:48 AM

I can't believe I legitimately said this:

"This has got to be the funnest fun I've ever had"

Posted by: Dragon of time Jun 22 2012, 05:59 PM

Some stuff I said regarding KH:BBS...

Terra.....Are you saying that you did know Aqua was a girl?Geez...

Have you noticed that Vantias is normally aiming for Aqua's.....You know.....

HADES YOU PERV!

Oh Ven,you're so clueless.....

HOW AM I NOT HITTING THESE JELLIES?!

Other stuff:

Friend: "Lucrecia's a giant chicken." ((Accident..))

Summing up Advent children in a paragraph....
Aerith: "Cloud,you don't have to be all emo;I'm happy here in the lifestream,and I'm with Zack.Just got and beat up Sephiroth,okay?
Cloud:Okay...
After beating Seph...
Cloud: Hey!I'm all happy now!Hello,Tifa!"

Great....Now I want to see a hippo doing a cartwheel....

Hey,I found this GREAT picture of Squall as a girl.((DON'T.ASK.))

*Singing "Be A Man" from Mulan,replacing "Huns" with "Gods".*

Posted by: Fangclaw Jun 23 2012, 08:57 PM

"GO SEE THIS SEXY PERSON OF A MAN!"

I was talking to my friend about watching YouTube stuff.

Posted by: epicallyfails Jul 20 2012, 06:25 PM

"If I had a super power, it'd be to shoot cotten candy out of my eyebrows. I'd solve world hunger."

"Well, I know I have to take my pants off sooner or later."

Posted by: strictlyninja Jul 24 2012, 08:52 PM

ME: This watering can gets crappy mileage.

FRIEND: I don't know what the color blue smells like!
SAME FRIEND: I thought "log" was a color!

Although, most of what that friend says is quotes. >_>
It was still funny.

ME: Did you see that butter?! It popped out of the butter!! LIKE BUTTER!!!
ME: This... is a BUTTER!!
ME: Did they send me butter... when I asked... for BUTTER?!!?

You just take a sentence from any Disney movie, and replace nouns with "butter". You'd be surprised how much fun you can get out of it.

Posted by: Ben Bruce Jul 24 2012, 09:49 PM

me and my family had finished eating at a restaurant, and me and my mom went out last because i had to use the bathroom. on the way out, this woman walked past, but all the suddenly stopped, said aloud "my butt itch", and proceeded to scratch her ass. me and my mom were crying from laughing the whole car ride home.

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Aug 18 2012, 12:44 PM

Warning: some Gratuitous Japanese ahead.

"Graah! Grenard-san no baka! "
"Why are rich people in fiction more concerned with their appearance than getting what they want? "
"Hah, I get it now. Grenard wants the protagonist's research because he's too much of a lazy-ass to do the work himself."
"Threatening to severely injure/murder a little kid so he won't have to pay the kid? What a monster!"
"He's not sickened by their love; he's jealous because he's never found true love himself. "
"Wow, I certainly wasn't expecting that. Must be some bad blood between the two of them or something."

-some stuff I said to myself when I played Jewel Quest 2.

And HRE, if it's the song that I'm thinking of, that song you mentioned is called "Don't Stop Believing", not "Midnight Train". It's an easy mistake, so don't feel bad.

Posted by: Hotpotato Butterfingers Sep 3 2012, 10:58 PM

One time I walked into the locker room at school and the first thing I heard was "This place smells like a french prostitute."

Posted by: Fading Like The Lilac Sep 4 2012, 08:49 AM

THERE CANNOT BE TWO FRANCES!

(Explanation: I just don't get Hetalia.)

It would be embarrassing to be outrun by a man with no legs.

It's too late! I'm too old! You should have started when I was THREE!

(Mum said I could have been a Paralympic swimmer- I'm autistic- but I disagreed.)

The badger is a b*tch. Seriously.

(I call my Grandpa's partner 'the badger'; she recently serious offended me and Mum. Long story.)

Posted by: Nemu Sep 4 2012, 10:44 AM

While my mom and sister were playing super Mario world for the Wii(I was in the kitchen):
Mom:Stop jumping on my head.

Knew what she meant. Still went wtf.

Posted by: Namiacal Sep 4 2012, 10:43 PM

"Bleep flaff vlorp wazoo!"
"I swear to god if I hear that song one more time, ONE MORE FREAKING TIME, Nicole, I will personally force you to ingest a puppy."
And one last one from me.
"God have mercy, Jesus in a Happy Meal."

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Sep 14 2012, 01:33 PM

I was just watching a video on YT and had to put up with a (thank the Elements) skippable ad, and after a brief grumbling, I was like "Ugh, I'm not interested in hockeys." Then I did a double take and cracked up.

Posted by: Mintabani Sep 16 2012, 09:06 AM

I heard a boy in class say "If facebook were a guy with muscles I'd go gay for him" :I

Posted by: Dragon of time Sep 17 2012, 09:34 PM

Me: When I was young....
My Art Teacher: Ha! You're getting old~!
Me: I didn't mean it that way... ((I'm still just a teenager!))

She's awesome though .

Then, once when the bell for dismissal rang in the middle of class....
My French Teacher: To say on the intercom that that was a mistake would be insulting our intelligence.

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten May 31 2013, 06:26 PM

I was just watching an IWBTG LP and the LPer made an 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter' joke again, and wondered out loud if that's a crime, and I'm like, "It's flippin' MARGARINE!" Then I did a double take and was like, "Did I just say that? "

Posted by: Genocider Syo Jun 5 2013, 08:34 PM

ive said swiggity swot ur hot to my boyfriend before uhm

Posted by: Arceus Awakened Jun 7 2013, 06:15 PM

'Burn the shorts!' 'Melody, go shred the shorts, alright?'
My sister or me, I don't remember. Melody's our kitteh.

And I'm sure there's more...oh, I know, internet ones! These are all me though x3

'Emerald: I didn't realise both the player and partner were set to male Pokemon, I thought it was ambiguous like R/B'
About Mystery Dungeon: GtI - let's just say I made those two into the alternate universe biological parents of my alternate universe OC. So...sort of have to be different genders X3
(Though she's a Deino, they're Haxorus and Serperior, so it could have worked anyway because Arceus did it.)

'Emerald: now sleep'
'Emerald: sleepy sleepy'
'Emerald: sleeeeeeppysleepy'
'Emerald: dear Arceus I am tiredhyper this is a bad combination BAD'

'Emerald: PINCHY'

And I make a lot of weird noises, apparently. Grack. XD

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Jun 7 2013, 07:42 PM

I was watching a later part of the same LP I mentioned before, and the LPer used that "balls of steel" quote from Duke Nukem, and then immediately Game Over'd due to falling on a spike, and I always crack, "Balls of steel, eh? More like balls of fail, amirite? " whenever I watch that part.

Also, sometimes I watch that LPer's I Wanna Be The Fangame LP, and in one part (4, IIRC) he makes a strange comment regarding spaghetti sauce, and I'm always like, "I'll betcha that the inside of my brain is some weird crossover of Pokémon, Zelda, and Golden Sun. I probably have psychic teens wielding swords that evil ones can never touch and commanding strange creatures around in there."

EDIT: I was just taking out the garbage in my living room just a bit ago, and saw my pet cat Molly erm... being a tad too 'friendly' with Harley, another one of my pet cats. And the first words out of my mouth upon seeing this?
"Don't hand me no lines and keep your paws to yourself! Geez!"

Yeah... I dunno why I said that.

EDIT 2: I just got LBW yesterday, and seeing some of the WTF stuff in that game has made me say weird things, like:

"Man, just what was Aonuma-san smoking during the development of this?"
"This game is easily much more trippy than Skyward Sword and its Silent Realms."
"This game could be described as Paper Mario + Link to the Past + a bad acid trip."

EDIT 3: I'm playing through a OoT3D MQ file, and am currently in the Fire Temple. Navi decided to play Captain Obvious with me right after I hit a rusted switch with my newly-obtained Megaton Hammer and told me that 'this switch looks rusted!'. I'm like, "Gee, ya don't say! *derpface* I knew that already, now shut up!"

Posted by: PikaGlow Jan 31 2014, 07:51 PM

Me: POTATOES! WOULD YOU LIKE SOME PO-TA-TOES
A show: I'll wipe my floor with your face!
That's all I have.

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Mar 9 2014, 09:50 AM

I've been playing some WWHD and SS as of late, and I said some pretty wacky stuff playing them, too. Here's a few choice lines:

WWHD
Aw, c'mon Red, lemme have some fun!

-said whenever the King of Red Lions is usually urging me to continue the storyline and I want to do side-quests instead.

*laughter* What the heck? *more laughter, and usually saying the following through said laughter* I didn't know I could do that!

-said when I manage to do something weird, like land on top of a roof that I didn't think was possible to reach.

Oh my Elementals! *laughter* How did I do that?

-said when I managed to get a Stalfos to lose its lower half in the Savage Labyrinth on Outset.

SS

Aw, I wanted to Fatal Blow 'im... And that sounded really wrong.

-said whenever I attack an enemy that it's possible to use the FB on and I end up killing them instead of executing the FB.

Nooo, put that away!

-said whenever I inadvertently unsheathe my sword instead of doing something else.

*laughter* I can't believe how the Bokoblins freak out about the Beetle! It's just a bug! Well, a bug-shaped 'bot, but let's not get into semantics over that.

-said when I visit the Deep Woods and well, freak out the Bokoblins there by piloting the Beetle nearby them.

Posted by: Nymphia Mar 9 2014, 10:30 PM

This week I've started doing a daily post on Facebook called Out-of-Context Quote of the Day From My Mother. Here's a couple:

"Am I going to have nightmares now because Michael Jackson screamed in our food?"

"Turkeys don't need vegetables stuffed up their butts."

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Mar 11 2014, 10:19 AM

Some more weird stuff I've said playing Skyward Sword:

*sighs in relief* That was posolutely, absotively nerve-wracking!

-said right after I finished the third Silent Realm.

Agh, please don't blunder into that Waking Water- ah-dadadatada!

Wow, how did I not get caught by those Watchers?

Yeah, I'm FUBAR. Just gonna restart this trial, 'cause there's no Tears that I can get in this area anyways.

Man, it's a good thing you don't take damage in spirit form, because that would've hurt otherwise. But that don't mean you're invincible.
'Cause you're not. If those Guardians hit you...

*laughter* That was pretty funny, I have to admit.

Man, when your own Exposition Fairy is expressing doubts about your abilities, that's disconcerting.

Ugh, why did I jump there? I wanted to jump into those air geysers.

-some things I said during the third Silent Realm challenge.

Posted by: Nymphia Mar 14 2014, 10:11 PM

"I want to make a dog treat that dissolves vocal cords. It wouldn't kill the dog. I would sell millions."
- one of my stepdad's employees

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Mar 16 2014, 11:54 AM

I started playing Twilight Princess again a while ago, and I said possibly some of the weirdest things I've said about game events yet:

It's like what that person said on TV Tropes about this cutscene: "It's like Nintendo was like, 'Backstories are boring! Let's spice it up by using the most unsettling visuals a Teen rating will allow! '"

This cutscene could be describes as follows: Surreal Horror plus Mind Fuck/Mind Rape plus Nightmare Fuel all seen through a Zelda filter.

This is the only thing in the Zelda series that frightens me. Shadow Temple? That's child's play. The basement of the Ancient Cistern? About a 2 on my Scare Meter. Whereas this? This shatters the meter entirely.

-some things I said in regards to that cutscene after you restore the Lanayru Province.

EDIT: I started a new file yesterday and was going through northern Hyrule Field-Lanayru Province and said something really weird:

Yeah, I can't go any further here because it's bombed off- *laughs* 'Bombed off?' What. *more laughter* Is that even a phrase?

EDIT 2: I'm watching http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3qcmr-Irpg on YT, and at one point, the LPers get sucked up by a waterfall, which always triggers me saying, "So... since you guys got sucked up, does that make you suck-ups? *realizes how wrong that sounds* Why did I say that?"

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Jan 5 2016, 01:21 PM

I've been doing some online with unknown heroes in TFH and have said some stupid things:

"taylor, learn to teamwork. " (taylor being a teammate who had NO sense of teamwork that I had one time)
"NO! I NEEDED THAT X material! *spams the Big "NO!" emote*"
"Sorry, guys. I need to disconnect because of lag. "
"We are doing this time limit one until it's cleared, dammit!"
"Ack, no! Why'd you action X me there? "
"No, you can't make me! " (usually said when I'm doing dickish moves like blocking the Triforce gateway with a Water Rod-created water pillar and one of my teammates is trying to get me to get on said gateway so we can continue)
"Good job. Now X action me/get off me. *promptly throws teammates off the totem*" (usually used when my teammates and I solve a puzzle and I'm on top of the totem or are in the middle or on the bottom of the totem)
"There needs to be an anger emote in this game. I'd spam that SO much right now. " (used when I'm really angry about something, like getting screwed out of a rare material I need/getting DC'd on the final boss thanks to a teammate disbanding us)
"C'mon guys. Stop screwing around. *spams the shrug emote*"
"Good job, X random insulting term." (when my teammates hurt me and sometimes the other teammate with friendly fire.)
"BYE GUYS! " *runs on ahead* (Why yes, I AM the ProtonJon-esque person in the groups usually. Why do you ask? )

Posted by: Easley Jan 5 2016, 02:06 PM

Friend: "My internet keeps disconnected."
Me: "How did you know?"
Friend: "Everytime I opened some sites, it keeps asking me to reload. What is this, an arcade shooting game?"

^ I'm thankful to have this kind of friend. Laughed everyday for her weirdness. She always take everything to her mind in a weird way it's amusing

Posted by: TTD Feb 1 2016, 07:30 PM

One time, I smoked marijuana (don't worry, it was in Colorado, and I don't do those things anymore) and was hanging out with a girl. Even back then, I would only smoke on occasion, so it would hit me pretty hard in the head.

Girl: "My neighbors are so f***ing weird."

Me: "Tell them to f*** normally, then."

Posted by: The Majestic Mr L Feb 1 2016, 11:39 PM

"Get memed on"

"you're a junkyard of disappointment"

some shit me and my friends say

Posted by: Mars Adept Enten Feb 18 2016, 11:26 AM

I've been playing Hyrule Warriors a lot lately, and a few days ago, I said something really weird:

"The AI in this game is so fan-fucking-tastic, folks. Ain't it great? "

(I was complaining about some lackluster AI in one of the Adventure Mode-Twilight Map scenarios, in case you were wondering.)

That being said, I've said some other strange stuff playing this game. This one happened last summer:

"That scenario was so crack! *laughs*"

(I was doing some co-op Adventure Mode-Termina Map scenario, and had my friend play as one of the characters you could have as a partner in that scenario and me playing as the other to test a theory of mine that the game might possibly change the characters you could have as a potential partner. Put simply, it didn't, so we ended up with two of the same character running around, not counting their Dark counterparts. It was really surreal, to put it lightly.)

EDIT: And now, Hyrule Warriors: Legends carries on the torch for weird things I say while playing it. One of my stranger habits is calling Ganondorf with the OoT-era costume 'Garetdorf', as his hair reminds me of Garet from the GBA Golden Sun games. And I'll also refer to him as 'hasubando' thanks to my friend Kojinka noting that I played as him quite a bit in the Wii U version of HW (to be fair, I did have him at the highest possible level of 255 and unlocked all his weapons). It then kinda snowballed from there, to the point where she paired up a Mii that I created on my first 3DS and sent to her with him in her copy of Tomodachi Life. And yes, they did get married on the game. (So, would that make her full married name Enten Dragmire? If so, that's pretty damn awesome. ) And sometimes, I'll even combine the two into the phrase 'hasubando Garetdorf'.

EDIT 2: I recently started playing the Wii U version of the game again and started goofing around with the Trident weapon, only to get confused by the special attack for it, or moreso, its animation. It gets thrown horizontally, but somehow (seemingly) without any outside intervention, lands vertically. Yeah. So, I said something really weird about that:
"*snorts* Ganondorf, the Demon King: Making the laws of physics his bitch since '98."

(Granted, there's probably some kind of magic affecting the Trident for it to land vertically like it does, but I still thought it was odd.)

EDIT 3: I was doing some more Challenge Mode stuff in HW again and said the following:
*singing* "You spin me right round, babe, right round. *laughs* I am SO sorry... "
Context: I was doing Giant Battle Lv. 3 in Ganon's Fury mode and started to spam the spin move. Yeah...