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Global PokédeX Plus Forums _ Dead Profile Archive _ Charlie Benjamin

Posted by: Alex Sasher Mar 12 2010, 09:56 PM

Name: Charlie Benjamin
Age: 10
Hometown: Sinnoh Canalave City.

Appearance:
This is Charlie Benjamin. He is medium sized 10 year old, he has black hair and always wears his black cape and his blue boots. He has crystal blue eyes. His blue tunic is one thing he always wears. His skin is skin colour like normal. He wears those white gloves as he likes the feel of them and they look good.He constantly wears the same uniform as it is a tribute to the Canalave Gym Leader and his Dad Steven (The Leader) died. He has only just started pokemon as his dad told him to start at 10.
And his destiny is to become the Canalave Gym Leader and defeat the Elite Four. His hat is worth $500. Everyone in Canalave chipped in when his dad died and bought it for him as a present. The hat is made of skin of the rare Lucario.

Personality: Charlie is a happy boy.Charlie grew up learning all new things. He was never picked on and never made any friends. He was a lonely kid, he wished he had at least 1 friend. It never happened. He is always nice to his Mum and the Gym Trainers. He doesn't like being teased but puts up with it.

Biography: Charlie was born with his head on a tilt it looked very strange. He was born at the Pokemon Center (Like Hospital) in Canalave City by his mother (Mary) and was a cute little kid. His mum and dad raised him, but his Dad had to defend the gym also so it was pretty hard.

3yrs & on:
When Charlie was 3 his father took him to the gym for the first time. Alex was surprised at the gym by the rocks that were on the top hanging off, then the big statue of a Steelix. He wanted to grow up and be like his Dad. It was his dream from 3 years old. Alex went to Poké Starter 2.0 school. It was a very up to date school on the outside of Canalave. Poké Starter 2.0 school is a public school like any other. He started at the age of 5. He learned about being a pokemon trainer and all the effects items and different types of things.

His dad died and now he is taking care of himself. He is a kid that grew up with no friends as he had a gym leader father and the other kids didn't like that.

Charlie is 10 now. His father died 3 days before his birthday. He now wants to follow in his Fathers footsteps. His first pokemon he got was a special Riolu that one of the Gym Trainers had caught. He gave it to him as a first pokemon. The only reason he wants to be a gym leader like his father is because it made him see great pride in him Also he has been wanting to go Underground for a long time to try digging and researching.

Starting Pokemon: Riolu(Sam) 5 (Starter)
Electrike (Lee) 5 (First Pokemon he met after starting his journey.)

Items: 1x Phone
1x Trainer Card
1x Pokedex
1x Super Rod
5x Pokeball
3x Ultra Ball

What is the biscuit's name? The answer is... Waldorf

Posted by: 2gamers Mar 13 2010, 02:26 PM

I've set up a nice profile guide in the profile template thread. Please use it.

Alex's appearance is mixed with some history. Try and keep those things separate. I could use a bit more on the appearence: is he wearing a tunic (that blue thing over his shirt)? Describe pants, face, skin, eye color, the works. There's more info in the guide. Finally, this isn't a really big deal, but I think the price of the hat is ridiculous. I just don't see his family spending $20,000 on a hat instead of a college education or supplies for his journey. At the very least, describe the hat so I know why it's so expensive.

Personality: How is he awkward? Please clarify with examples. Though he can't physically express anger of sadness, does he still have those feelings? How does that make him feel, not being able to let others know how he feels? The sentence "He is starting his journey" has nothing to do with personality. Keep it out.

Bio: Expand, please. He was born in a pokemon center (as opposed to a hospital)? Surely there's a story about that.

What exactly at the gym made him want to be like his father? Describe the experience that inspired him.

What age did he start at the Pokestarter school? What did he do there? Was it a regular school or was it a boarding school? Why didn't he have any friends (perhaps it had to do with his personality)?

It should be fine that he hasn't received his starter yet, but since RPs are to take place entirely in Furoh, it may be more convenient if he already met his starter.

Zangoose is not a starter. Choose from the list in the rules board

Please work on your grammar, tenses, punctuation, etc. Read through it; it shouldn't be too hars to catch the mistakes.

As a side note, the name Alex Sasher is very similar to an existing character: Alex Slasher. You don't have to change it; it's just something I thought to point out.

Posted by: Alex Sasher Mar 22 2010, 02:23 AM

Updated. Thanks.

Posted by: 2gamers Mar 22 2010, 07:32 AM

I bolded the changes needed to be made. Check the first post for comments.

I will add this: watch your tenses. Keep the Bio in the past tense. Other big problems include organization and personality (or lack thereof). Everything is mixed up in different paragraphs. Try and fix that. Also, Charlie has absolutely no personality. Instead of making the changes I pointed out, you just deleted it. The profile guide has several suggestions to helep.

Posted by: Alex Sasher Mar 24 2010, 01:04 AM

fixed 2nd time. Hope it is good enough.

Posted by: 2gamers Mar 24 2010, 08:15 AM

You changed his age and...that was it. Fix the rest of the profile too.

Posted by: Alex Sasher Mar 27 2010, 03:01 AM

Re Edited. Hoping this is good enough!

Posted by: 2gamers Mar 27 2010, 06:06 PM

I'm going to approve this with one caveat. Your grammar could be better and I still see problems with past/present tense. This will affect your RP grade if it shows in your RP posts. I'm going to assume you will work to improve your style once you start.

Approved. Please post in the Current Levels thread. Enjoy!