[X] My Assistant

[Razzly]

Name: Noah Lingsly
Age: 16
Hometown: Pinwheel Forest

Appearance: Short, messy brown hair, with ragged clothing and green eyes. He sort of under-fed, though full of energy and very athletic. He's pretty well tanned and about 167 cm tall and 67 kg. He wears some sneakers at times, when they're needed, but is usually seen without them when in a forest. His shirt is a fair shade of green, while his pants are a dark blue-ish, both with cuts and holes here and there.

Personality: Since Noah had gotten lost in the woods as a young boy, he's not so in tune with the technology of the current date. Most things unfamiliar to him scare him, though he's extremely friendly.

Blood Type A

People with blood type A have a deep-rooted strength that helps them stay calm in a crisis when everyone else is panicking. However, they tend to avoid confrontation, and feel very uncomfortable around people. A types are shy and sometimes withdrawn. They seek harmony and are very polite, but all the same feel that they never really fit in with others. A types are very responsible. If there is a job to be done, they prefer to take care of it themselves. These people crave success and are perfectionists. They are also very creative, and the most artistic of all the blood types, most likely because of their sensitivity.

Biography: Noah's parents loved to explore, even during the time before he was born. They explored many famous landmarks of the world, such as the Cerulean Cave of Kanto and the Sky Pillar of Hoenn. When Noah was born, they decided to settle down for a bit in the Unova region, in Nacrene City. Because his parents were so close to the Pinwheel Forest, and had heard many rumors about it, especially about the legendary Pokemon that lived there. They decided to bring young Noah, who was at the time still an infant, because they wanted their whole family to be an exploring one. They searched high and low for the legendary Pokemon, but couldn't find it anywhere. As time passed, they had gotten lost. Eshira, Noah's father, decided to go searching on one of their flying-type Pokemon they had caught while exploring, but came back saying, "Even from the skies, I couldn't find the exit." They hadn't known, but the legendary Pokemon that lived there was angered by their search for it, and had the Pokemon living in the forest get them lost.

Time went by, and Noah grew older. His parents, who went to search for the exit one day, had disappeared, leaving for Noah's protection a small Litwick named Lumi they had caught during their short exploration of Unova. Noah and Lumi lived together in the forest for a very long time, staying away from any people that had made their way into their sight. Time went by, and Lumi had made friends with the other Pokemon in the forest, especially a small, but very energetic, Cottonee, who Noah called Cloth.

One day while exploring, a Ranger claimed to have seen the boy, but when he called out to him, Noah ran off in fear of the strange man. Because of this, rumors started, and the three had become a sort of legend in the forest, somewhat similar to the legendary Pokemon that lived there. There were many different tales, such as Noah was being protected by the legendary protector of the Forest, Noah was a ghost that stole away naughty children (this being used mostly by mothers) and many others. The first of the legends intrigued most people of the forest, though stopped many from searching because of what they heard of Noah's parents. This didn't stop one group of people, though. In town, people started to talk to one another about mysterious groups of strangers claiming to be a part of a team from a far off land asking questions about the rumors or legends. After a couple days, these people started to search the forest, searching for Noah, and more specifically, the legendary Pokemon that was supposedly protecting him.

After six weeks and a month of searching, they found Noah. Lumi and Cloth went out to protect him, but their Pokemon were much stronger. At their defeat, Noah went and huddled together with his friends, and the people grabbed him and threw his Pokemon into the back of a truck, in hopes of bringing out the legendary Pokemon. After a while of no luck, they figured the rumors were false, and soon took off with Noah's Pokemon back to the Furoh region, but as they took off, Noah jumped for the back of the van and grabbed on. He called out to his friends, who were okay, but a little banged up from the opponents they had just faced. When they came to a stop, he noticed one of the men

As soon as they had made it back to Furoh and opened the cargo box, they noticed Noah wasn't there. He was there, though, just not in their sight. He was clinging to the roof, hiding his Pokemon inside an empty box he was holding on his back. He climbed out, and swung onto the top of the cargo crate, running off into the nearest forest. Noah, not knowing where he was, was sad and confused. "Hello?!?" Noah cried out, "Where is everyone!!??" Lumi and Cloth jumped out of the box and stared crying out too, lost to as why their friends weren't answering them. After a while of crying by a tree because of the events that had just happened, Noah realized something. He had just ran into the forest. He knew the way out!!! What he didn't know was that this was not Pinwheel Forest. When he had found the city, he was asking them if this was Nacrene City (he learned he was from there a dairy of his parent's adventures). They all answered with a no, most of them not even knowing where Nacrene City was.

Noah grew confused. He began searching the city, looking everywhere for a sign of where he was. He soon found that he was in Fidona, in the Furoh region. He was surprised by this, though found this was his chance to begin a journey. He had read about Pokemon Trainers and how to become one in old books the Pokemon in Pinwheel Forest had brought him, and was fascinated by them. He learned about many things, such as how to catch a Pokemon, Different kinds of Pokemon, and all about the Legendary Pokemon all over the world. He'd also learned that you can get what is most important to a Trainer, a Trainer Card, which was an identification of someone who was, in fact, a Trainer, and to get on, one must go to a Pokemon Center, which could be identified by a big red and white sign. So, he ran off to the nearest Pokemon Center and found it was a rather warm and welcoming place, much like the forest, but with flat areas all around him. When the lady at the counter, the "Nurse Joy" he soon guessed she was, saw how lost he was, she gave him a welcoming smile and called him over to the counter. When he said he was registering to be a Trainer, she smiled and nodded. When she took his picture for his Trainer Card, he flinched at the light of the camera, slightly ducking his head down. Nurse Joy giggled, and soon handed him his card after a few questions. She had also given Noah some Pokeballs and some supplies, and sent him on his way.

As soon as Noah made it out the door, he ran as fast as he could. He was finally a Pokemon Trainer!!!

Class: Trainer

Starting Pokemon:

Litwick - Lumi

Gender - Male

Level 10

Personality: Shy, but caring.

Attacks:

Ember
Smog
Minimize
Confuse Ray
Clear Smog

Cottonee - Cloth

Gender - Female

Level 10

Personality: Very outgoing and hyperactive

Attacks:

Leech Seed
Stun Spore
Absorb
Growth
Tickle

Items:

Pokeballs x 4

Potion x 10

Oran Berries x 15

Pecha/Cheri/Rawst Berries x 10

Sitrus Berries x 6

What is the biscuit's name? Waldorf

This post has been edited by Razzly: Mar 23 2011, 05:26 PM

[Kamaitachi]

I have a few problems with the profile.

The personality section really only states that he's scared of unfamiliar things and that he's friendly. I'd like to see this expounded upon. Talents like hunting and the like can go in the biography and extras sections.

Learning English from Migrating Chatots is as possible as learning English from a Macaw or Mynah Bird. Likewise, learning to read without any correlation between the letters and what they mean is difficult. Even the deaf can correlate letters to words to what the words represent, and the blind can translate sounds to words to what the words represent. It's a cool idea, but I can't find myself believing it, especially when he later knows exactly what a pokemon center is by 'having read about it'.

I also have a problem with Noah's parents leaving him with a Litwick when he's a toddler. Or even before that, why they'd take an infant to search for a Legendary Pokemon in a forest that it can purportedly control. They seem like really irresponsible parents, if you ask me.

Now, if Noah and his parents disappeared in the Pinwheel Forest from Nacrene City, would no one have thought to look for him, rather than just turn him into an urban legend? Likewise, if he saw a sign leading to Nacrene City, how would he know what it was, or why wouldn't he have followed it out of the forest. If the group of trainers from Furoh who showed up later could find him so easily, how come no one from the neighboring city could.

Now, with the trainers. Upon learning that he was in no way connected to the Legendary Pokemon, I'm surprised that they'd opt to take him to some faraway region with them in a crate to join their team. This also doesn't quite make sense to me.

Curiously also, he never technically caught Cloth. He befriended Cloth with Lumi, but never actually caught him.

Now, upon his arrival at the Fidona Pokemon Center, why did he just decide to become a pokemon trainer on such a whim, rather than attempting to get back to Unova and the Pinwheel Forest? Why didn't he run off to look for his parents?

There are a lot of gaps, contradictions, and even a fallacy or two in your biography. While it's very creative and very interesting, I would really like you to re-work it into a more believable backstory. I understand that the world of Pokemon is already a fairly incredible world, but this might be a bit much.

Pokemon in this RP are not limited to four moves, so Lumi could have Ember, Astonish, Minimize, Smog, Fire Spin and Confuse Ray already, as well as one of the egg moves. Choose one, and it should be usable immediately. The only reason I'll not allow both is because each move requires a different Father Pokemon to pass on the move.

Cloth, likewise, would have Absorb, growth, Leech Seed and Stun Spore. Tickle would be accepted and could be used immediately as well.

So basically, I'm not willing to accept the profile until changes have been made to Noah's biography, and the personality is fleshed out just a little bit more.

[Razzly]

I find your criticism helpful, but you may have missed a few things

Noah was somewhere in his pre-teens when his parents left. (Sorry that I forgot to mention this) They just wanted him to protect their little shelter or whatever they lived in from random Pokemon, with help from Lumi.

The mysterious trainers that took him were supposed to be Team Deception, just somewhat under-cover as to not get attention to them (Like Team Rocket in the newer anime episodes)

The other trainers who went to search for Noah in hopes of finding the Legendary Pokemon, or even those who went to go search to rescue him, were too scared of the Legendary Pokemon itself. Team Deception was just a little braver in hopes of catching the Legendary Pokemon

The signs for Nacrene City he read were worn down and broken, though I forgot to mention he'd also read about the city in his parent's diary.

Noah's parents didn't leave Noah with empty Pokeballs, just Lumi's, so he couldn't technically catch Cloth, though Cloth saw Noah as her owner and friend nonetheless

Chatots are intelligent. If you look at the Diamond Pokedex entry, it states "It can learn and speak human words. If they gather, they all learn the same saying." And plus, look at Meowth from Team Rocket. He learned to read and speak from just listening in on classes of humans learning English, and reading a few books here and there

I will fix any other thing that has a problem

Edit: And yes, his parent's decision of taking him into the forest when he was young was irresponsible, but they didn't know of the Legendary Pokemon's powers beforehand, just that it existed somewhere in the forest.

This post has been edited by Razzly: Mar 21 2011, 12:22 AM

[Kamaitachi]

Ah, see, that's unfair of you to say that I missed something that you didn't write. No worries though.

So even with the knowledge that Noah was in his pre-teens when his parents left him, there would've been no need for Chatot to teach him to speak. I'm assuming pre-teens is 9, 10, 11 or 12, wherein you're already quite capable of speech and reading.

How did he learn to read the feelings of pokemon? Again, that's an ability, rather than personality. Expounding upon personality does not simply mean add a new ability.

You're more than welcome to say that they're Team Deception. They're the deceptive ones, not your profile. That would've made much more sense than some random group of trainers. However, I'm still confused as to how they found him when he couldn't find his own way out and no one from Nacrene or Castelia was ever able to find him. Sure, they're scared of the Legendary Pokemon, but I still don't see how he wouldn't have run into ANYONE in several years time. Also, we haven't established any sort of Team Deception Conscription Programs yet. From what I understand, they don't really force people to join their teams by throwing them in trucks and carting them to other continents. Rather, I'm sure they'd use some more deceptive means than that.

So Cloth sees Noah as her owner. However, upon registering as a trainer, Noah would probably still have to 'catch' Cloth.

Basically, I'm still having trouble with the believability of this bio. Please do not take my notes as criticisms, rather as critiques. If I'm having trouble understanding or believing, then it's not clear enough, basically.

I'll have another mod look at your profile to give a second opinion, because I may be entirely out of line on this.

Thank you for your patience.

[Razzly]

Oh, I just noticed those holes you just talked about

Sorry if I sounded a bit rude, I've just been having a rough week filled with carting furniture, and to make it worse, that roughness has been going over my break from school.

And on your remark on other humans spotting him - Think about it this way, he hasn't seen another human other than his parents in years, so he must be at least a little scared of meeting other people, so he runs and hides. When the person who saw him started following him, but ended up not finding him, they told their friends about what had happened, those friends told a variation to other friends, and as the story spread, more and more variations popped up, starting the rumors.

And about Team Deception carting him off - I think I can change it up a little so it doesn't involve them taking him, rather one or both of his Pokemon, and him sneaking after them or something like that

[Toogee]

Not to butt in, but I think appearance needs to be fleshed out as well. Take a look at other profiles for examples.

I'm heading out the door right now, so I can't comment on much else. One more thing: are you sure you don't want to revive Catfish Sitoko?

[Razzly]

Yeah, I'm sure. Just wanted to get a fresh start, ya know?

And I'll be sure to touch up the appearance here and there

[Kamaitachi]

I know this is tedious for you, but would you please expand the section on personality?

Something that might help is picking a Zodiac Sign. For instance:

Taurus:
Stable, Conservative, Home-loving, Loyal, and reliable. A Taurus will remain on course despite all obstacles. Taurus knows his/her own strength, but will choose to handle situations with dignity and tact. Taurus has a good appetite, but is prone to overindulge. Taurus rarely complains or gets into tizzies over minor things.

Tiger:
Tiger is fascinating, exciting and exasperating. Tiger is patient but short-tempered, calm but rebellious, petty but noble, fearsome but affectionate, free-spirited but fiercely territorial. Tiger is a magnetic and commanding figure is because of the absolutely loyalty and affection they show for those they love. With a natural air of authority, Tiger easily earns respect and admiration. Tiger is happy in familial, comfortable situations, but is apt to fly off and have an adventure. Tiger is unpredictable and emotional.

The Japanese believe that Blood Type Determines personality.

For Example:

Blood Type O:
O is outgoing, energetic and social. Very flexible. O tends to start many projects, but never finishes any. Flighty and not dependable. O always says what's on his or her mind.

These are all examples of personalities. If you can form a list of adjectives that describe Noah's personality, then string them together, then you'll have a nice, fleshed out basis for the character.

[Razzly]

Not going to be here until next Monday, so if you accept it, keep this up until at least Tuesday so I can see it. Thanks in advance!

[Kamaitachi]

I actually can't accept what you've written there. From what it looks like to me, you've just copied and pasted a general blood type personality into your profile, without even bothering to make it look like you're attributing it to Noah.

The problem with this is that you didn't make it about Noah, but rather about Blood Type A people in general. The other problem is that this is plagiarism, since you're passing it off as your profile personality and it clearly wasn't written by you. Plagiarism has some consequences on the board, so I do hope you change this immediately.

The Zodiac sign/Blood type thing was to give you a springboard into forming a personality for Noah. Take what you've written there and make it more specific to Noah.