[X] My Assistant

[Toogee]

Did I Do That? Review of Family Matters

This RP certainly had potential to reveal some strange Magma-Aqua alliance. It would have been interesting to see how that played out over several RPs. Oh well…

Note that since Fei-Fei is inactive, I didn’t bother to grade Adrian. Also, since the RP was incomplete, I didn’t award rank points.

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 5/7

Overall, the posts were of good length. I like his doubts on choosing Aqua over Magma. It shows he’s not entirely clear of his own ideals.

However, I am not happy on how the Rebellion was portrayed. Rebellion members work in secrecy. They do not walk around in green uniforms and tell everyone they’re infiltration experts. It’s one thing for Magma to do this; they own the city. A rebel is essentially a wanted man; they don’t go advertising that, especially a high ranking one.

Battle: 2/5

There was one battle, it was a bit short, and Vincent probably shouldn’t have won. An infiltration expert has gone through several missions and probably plenty of battles. It should not have been that easy to beat. I know you were probably planning more (and better) battles later, but that's how the cookie crumbles.

Total: 10/15

[Master Houndoom]

A young man, accused of a crime he didn't commit.

"You know, she doesn't have to change her look. They aren't accusing her of rape."

A young woman, persecuted for standing up for her friends, love, and beliefs.

"Linda, Linda, Linda... What ever will we do with you?"

A young man, torn to the breaking point between two worlds.

"What?! You're her father!"

A young woman, forced into a mold she cannot fit.

“You can’t trust me to be calm. So I’ll just be the support on this one.”

A story about love, friendship, and desperation

"Whatever happened to fair dealing?
And pure ethics?
And nice manners?
Why is it everyone now is a pain in the ass?
Whatever happened to class?"

And the lengths people will go to get what they want.

"Who-- Who am I? Who am I?! You do not know DIETR?!"

Ivy Kylerian

“Oh, Tau. Everything is such a silly mess."

Victor Bays

"You have to imagine it with two people! It's swell with two people!"

Sagira Smythe

"I'll spare you the gruesome details. Which means all of the details."

and Jay Lange.

"We're not running. We're going to fight back right away, and finish our mission, and get back to normal."

No more running. No more waiting. They're going...

On the Offensive.

[Toogee]

Very nice trailer format.

Blarg, one at a time! This will have to wait until I grade the PANE one. If Doc wants to grade this one, be my guest .

[Umbrae Calamitas]

We're okay with waiting, 2g. B3tB did finish first. Besides, if I'm not mistaken, we're holding off on starting another Uprising RP for at least a week. That'll give us a chance to fill up another PANE RP for you to grade :P, and ascertain that I don't die of homework overload.

Thanks, though!

[Aureylian]

Transaction is now complete!


Participants:

• Ozzy: Luna Cardelle - Rebellion
• Amissa: Caroline Kelly - Civilian
• Xal: Karuto Jones - Civillian

Start Date: 6th February 2010
End Date: 11th April 2010
Length: 37 posts

Summary: Luna Cardelle, a new Rebellion Initiate, comes across a transaction between her grandmother, that she ran away from, and a Magma Grunt. She hides in the nearest Pokemon Canter, where she meets Caroline. They both stay the night and meet Karuto. Luna goes outside, confronted again by the Magma Grunt. The transaction has been canceled and Luna catches the Grunt's abandoned Poochyena.

[Master Houndoom]

No matter what, everyone gets 2 levels, distributed between their Pokemon according to use, as long as they finish an RP. Of course, if they drop out, depending on where, they lose so many of these "free" levels. We need the free ones so that our new, inexperienced RPers still have incentive to RP and improve. An additional level is added for keeping a good amount of activity, for a total of 3 levels.

Next, we have 7 levels that are based on the skill of the RPer. So, these are based on quality of post. They're also divided up between the two Pokemon based on use. This means that our better RPers get more levels, which the should rightfully have.

Finally, 5 levels are awarded based on actual battling. So, basically, how much a Pokemon battles, and how well written the battles are. This is separate from quality of post. If someone battles with a Pokemon even once, they get 1 of these levels. The rest should be mod discretion.


So, this totals up to a possible 15 levels for an RPer. Only 10 can be awarded to one Pokemon though, giving incentive for RPers to catch more Pokemon to add to their teams.

Transaction has been graded. This is the first time that my general notes are going to be as in depth as my personal notes, if not more so.

The RP was very short, and, unfortunately, while things happened, not much got done. We saw that Luna caught her mother dealing with a Magma grunt, planning to fund them, that Caroline met someone new who may be able to get her out of her shell, and that Karuto had a bad experience with a grunt and vowed vengeance on all of Magma. However, besides another skirmish with a grunt, nothing else happened. There was no direction for any of the characters, no resolution or promise of a thread that the characters could follow, no alliance forged, nothing. The story simply ended.

Don't be afraid to form alliances, to roleplay for an extra page or two, or to put in some back plot. Also, don't assume the reader has read your profile: Mention backstories, and flesh them out.

I don't want you to think that there was nothing good here. There was a good start, we got to see some things about the characters, and we got to get a peek at how they felt. However, it does not feel finished, and this is, unfortunately, reflected in the grades.

Notes are under the spoiler: The score is in the tag, so that you don't have to read them if you don't want to.

Participation: 3
Skill: 3

Your posts were quite short at times, and they used a bit of copy/pasting, especially in the middle. One post, which was already short, was half copied text from the post directly previous. You really need to watch this. Don't be afraid to do a little introspection, or explain what's going on in the post, such details as the weather, any ambient noises in the room, people who may be in the background, listening or not. Also, watch the timing. Toward the end, your RPmates seemed to be struggling to catch up, and your last post took an entire day away from them.

Battle: 1

Yes, you had a battle, but it was very short (one move was used, another pokemon that wasn't hers distracted the opposing trainer, and then said trainer ran away). There was a real opportunity to allow the others to get involved, but it didn't come to pass.

Total: 7/15
Rank Points: 20

I know this will seem harsh, but there was no mission, not even an impromptu one. Her commander, or mentor, or whoever, encouraged her not to get involved, yet she did anyway. She passed information, which is the kind of thing that would go into a file as a good thing, but as it seemed that she was not to do anything, I could not, in good conscience, give a higher score.

Participation: 3
Skill: 4

It is a challenge to have a character have a pokemon who simply doesn't care if she exists, and doesn't care what she says. I think these things were played well, but there is some contradiction with Swiper's attidtude, as he seems to be trying to trust humans but can't. Whether this is something you meant to portray or not isn't clear. Caroline spent a lot of time being left behind and confused, but seems to have gained a couple of friends. Again, it isn't clear if that's on purpose. A lot of your posts were quite short; As with Ozzy, you shouldn't be afraid to describe things around Caroline.

Battle: 0

You did not battle at all

Total: 7/15
Rank: Caroline is not part of a faction and receives no rank.

Participation: 2

You came in late.

Skill: 5

Your posts were longer and of a slightly higher quality. Again, I felt as if too much time was spent dwelling on the Magma attack which he instigated, and not enough on what was going on. You went to the opposite extreme, while the others didn't take into account the feelings of their characters, you didn't take into account the surroundings and interaction. It is, acknowledged, a fine balance. There was also quite a bit of contradiction in some of that introspection. It was Magma's fault, then it was his own. He looked forward to causing trouble for Magma, but it may not be anything at all. I understand Karuto is confused, angry, and tired, but he was not focused in the slightest. We still have no idea why he is around at all.

Battle: 2

You also had a battle, which was also short, but you did have a few more moves to show off, and, most importantly, you earned some bonus by having your character overextend himself and lose horribly as a result. That is rare.

Total: 9/15
Rank: Karuto is not part of a faction and receives no rank.

[PinkiePie]

Mission Failed (Previously The Art of Stealth) is done.

Participants:

Daniel Reeves-Rebellion
Vincent Lance-Aqua

Summary:

When Vincent is asigned to work the afternoon shift at an Aqua warehouse, he expects just another dull job with no hope for escape from such a lifestyle. However, a Rebel operative, Daniel, attempts to break in and steal a large chunk of the warehouse's supplies. Upon realizing this, Vincent confronts the trainer and challenges him to a pokemon battle, with the promise of free escape if he was defeated. Although the battle's outcome was sure to favor Vincent's victory, fate dropped a large stack of boxes on his Sneasel. Too embarrased to continue, the Aqua lets Daniel escape, only to meet again at the diner in town after Vincent had caught up with his Fiance, Lanette, for dinner. They have a "friendly" rematch to see who deserved the real victory. In the end, though, it was all a cover plot to have Lanette track down and recover as much of the stolen equipment as she could. Though not all of it was recovered, it was enough for both Vincent and Daniel to fail their respective missions, neither coming back with a 100% report.

Pretty short RP, meant for me to introduce some more of Vincent's different qualitys (and his girlfriend) and to get some decent battles in. Most of the battling was spontaneous, and thus might feel a bit....choppy.

I changed the name of the RP at the last minute. The old one didn't seem quite as fitting as it did when we first started.

This post has been edited by Vincent Lance: Apr 15 2010, 03:25 PM

[Master Houndoom]

No matter what, everyone gets 2 levels, distributed between their Pokemon according to use, as long as they finish an RP. Of course, if they drop out, depending on where, they lose so many of these "free" levels. We need the free ones so that our new, inexperienced RPers still have incentive to RP and improve. An additional level is added for keeping a good amount of activity, for a total of 3 levels.

Next, we have 7 levels that are based on the skill of the RPer. So, these are based on quality of post. They're also divided up between the two Pokemon based on use. This means that our better RPers get more levels, which the should rightfully have.

Finally, 5 levels are awarded based on actual battling. So, basically, how much a Pokemon battles, and how well written the battles are. This is separate from quality of post. If someone battles with a Pokemon even once, they get 1 of these levels. The rest should be mod discretion.


So, this totals up to a possible 15 levels for an RPer. Only 10 can be awarded to one Pokemon though, giving incentive for RPers to catch more Pokemon to add to their teams.

This RP was a good read, but there were still some points I would like to make.

The Rebellion is just that: A rebellion. The people in it are volunteers who believe their city should be free, vagrants who have nowhere else to go, or people with nothing better to do. They are, in effect, outlaws, and therefore would not be well known nor advertise who they are. Specifically in this RP, I point out Vincent recognizing Daniel as a rebel with no real indication that he is one. It would have been more realistic if Vincent had assumed he was a thief until Daniel pointed out that he was acquiring goods for the people. Then two and two could have been added, and the resulting four could have been assigned to "Rebel".

The battles in this were good, but I have comments on the battles regardless.

Participation: 3/3
Skill: 4/7

Vincent is a contradiction in my eyes. He is incredibly smart, yet lazy. He loves his pokemon and trains them well, but gets ahead of himself and makes blunders. All of that I can forgive, and is interesting RP, but there are times when he seems too good. He instantly knew where Lily was, for example, and there were times when some semi-implausible things happened. I would also like to point out, similar to the above, that Rebels don't have a set uniform. The scene with the switching commanders was confusing. Also, I'd like you to keep the spelling of homonyms in mind: The commander probably didn't want to hear it, but wouldn't mind that it was here.
I liked the contrast of his being cool and aloof but caring for his pokemon and fiancée. I'd like to see a little polish on the characterization, and don't be afraid to give him some faults.

Battle: 5/5

I liked the battles. They were choppy, as you said, but the fact that there were two and that they were semi exciting was enjoyable enough for full scores. I'd like you to keep in mind surroundings and physics, as there were a few attacks that didn't make sense.

Total: 12/15
Rank: I am awarding 100 rank points. The mission was only half successful, and it was well played, but the Deus Ex Machina of Vincent's fiancee grabbing half the stash was a little off, to me.

Participation: 3/3
Skill: 3/7

Unfortunately, there were some things taking away from the skill, most of them have to be done with being aware of your surroundings, and a lot were in the battles, so there's a point knocked off in that, as well. You made a lot of assumptions, and declared a pokemon fainted that wasn't yours. You both need to coordinate your battles together to avoid such contradictions. You also completely ignored two instances that should not have been: The guards on the outside of the warehouse that Vincent established in the post prior, and the icicle attack that Max seemed to bypass completely. While I agree that neither of them were guaranteed to hit, you didn't give a reason for them to have missed (for example, Max could have charged below the sonic attack before it reached him, and nimbly dodged the icicle spears). Also, the command to "block out all sound" is only possible with Whismur and it's line, Mr. Mime/Mime Jr., and voltorb/electrode, which are the only pokemon to have an ability to block out sounds. The nature of supersonic would bypass simply plugging one's ears (it is, after all, supersonic).
I loved the characterization, however, and the contrast with Vincent. A little bit of polish will go a long way, so don't be discouraged.

Battle: 4/5
See above for the point decrease.

Total: 10/15
Rank: I am also awarding 100 rank points.

Good work, with room for improvement, and I look forward to seeing these two in the future.

[Toogee]

The Best Offense is DIETR! Review of “On the Offensive”

Ah, a story of vengeance, which leads into the discovery of an old foe, which then leads to the formation of Uprising’s Team Rouge. Yep, I think I got the basic gist . Quite a few funny moments in here. Judging from the foreshadowing, it seems the Rebellion will finally make an appearance in this series of RPs. Time will tell where this will take them. Overall, it was good; it makes me miss my own Uprising adventure .

There were a few parts that rubbed me the wrong way, but I’ll leave those for individual reviews.

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 6/7

The Dietr scene was Jay’s best part in this RP. I’m a fan of comic relief, so keep up with that. Overall, we see a whole range of Jay’s character: caring, cunning, and passionate among them *. I’m happy with this.

Post #5 confused me to no end. I had to reread the post (and the RP) several times to finally figure out who’s saying what. I would have liked to see clarification on who was thinking this. I’m guessing the riolu Cammy, but if I’m wrong, that just proves my point.

Battle: 5/5

Battles were also good. I’m tired and want to get this out, so you’ll have to take my word on it. :P

Total: 14/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 6/7

Ivy is more or less back to her normal self, which I like very much. Favorite scenes were when she finally confronts the people who wronged her and figures out who her true friends are.

I would have liked to see more interaction with Tau. The parts between capture and flying around Noverus seemed rushed; I didn’t even see the post where Ivy names the Tropius. It would have also been nice to find out what a pokemon living on tropical islands is doing in the middle of the city, but I guess that’s a plot for another day.

Battle: 5/5

See M_H

Total: 14/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 7/7

Poor Linda brings out the classic Shadow Cat. Doesn’t take crud from anyone as usual. Her interactions with Jay and Ivy tend to soften her personality (similar to the last RP). I can’t think of anything else at the moment.

I would like to mention her newfound psychic abilities. Though it was pretty cool, I am somewhat wary of the emotional outburst-turned psychic tsunami. Yeah, it only happened under severe emotional distress, in an RP like this, I suspect this will be a relatively common experience. Considering there are no “official” rules regarding the upper limits on such powers, I’ll let it slide. I trust you know where to draw the line .

Battle: 5/5
Same as M_H, though the ending to the absol-vespiqueen battle was a bit overdramatic for my tastes. Watch out for all the blood; it’s pretty important to living :P.

It was still the best battle in the RP, just to be clear .

Total: 15/15

Participation/Activity: 1/3

With only four posts out of the 47, combined with leaving the RP early, this score suffered

Skill: 7/7

Victor started to realize how much of a douche bag he was in the last RP and started to regret the new alliances he forged. Things did not end happily ever after, as he left without mending the broken ties. It would be interesting to see how the relationships hold up should Victor ever return.

Battle: 2/5

The only battle that he had was unfinished, lasting about two posts.

Total: 10/15

Rank
Jay, Ivy, and Sagira: 175/175. Mission became complicated with Jay’s predicament and Dawson’s appearance. Though Dawson got away and a building fell on top of them, it was RPed well.

Victor: 0/175. He left, so rank doesn’t really matter to him anymore.

[Kishk]

The Hunt is now complete!

Participants:

Kishk - Kishk Akrias (Rebellion)
IceColdGlaceon - Daniel Reeves (Rebellion)
ShinyTyphlosion - Paul Charbon (Rebellion)


Summary:


Out on his first mission, Kishk Akrias sets out with two other Rebel Initiates to find a mysterious Trainer which had been going around Noverus, disrupting various Rebel plans. After a bit of walking, they observe a few Aqua Grunts running away from someone, or something. After waiting a while, in case more people came along, giving chase, the group decided to move up, and soon found themselves in a destroyed street full of crashed cars, smoking craters and small fires. After identifying what had caused all that destruction, which happened to be a Ninetales, they followed a set of footprints into a warehouse. There, they split up to look for the perpetrator, and while Kishk was ambushed by a Vulpix (which happened to be the one of the perpetrator's Pokemon), Pual found an Eevee and brought it along with him. Some time while all this was happening, Daniel found the Trainer and called Paul towards him. After beating the Vulpix, Kishk was greeted by Paul, which had come to see if Kishk was alright. Together, they made their way back to Daniel and the Trainer, where it was decided that if the 3 man group beat the Trainer on a 3 vs. 3 battle, he would tell them who he was, who he worked for, and why he caused all that destruction. Accepting their challenge, the Trainer was forced to retreat all his defeated Pokemon, and bring out the powerful Ninetales. But even with such a strong Pokemon, he was close to being defeated, seeing as it was now a 3 on 1 battle, so he escaped, leaving a Vulpix (which he appearantly thought too weak to keep) and a Magma Badge behind him. Seeing their mission as complete, the three headed back to a Pokemon Centre to heal their Pokemon, Daniel accompanied by the Vulpix, and Paul by the Eevee. Once they were all healed, they headed back to The Sanctuary, where their Superior declared their mission complete, and a success because of the intelligence they gained.


The RP lasted a bit longer than I actually expected, but I'm not sure if you (whichever Moderator it might be that is reading this) will find it too long or too short. Anyways, hoping for a good grade on this.

[Toogee]

The Chase is Afoot! Review of “The Hunt”

Well, this is the fastest I’ve seen an RP finish. I would have preferred to have it last longer to develop relationships between the three. According to their profiles, Kishk and Daniel are loners, while Paul finds making friends difficult. How did they work together so easily? Better yet, how did they meet? This was a prime opportunity to see how the team formed and how each character felt about working with others. Instead, the RP simply starts with them patrolling the streets. Needless to say, deviation from personalities resulted in point loss.

I was a bit confused with the vulpix getting passed around. First, Kishk defeats it. Then Paul is carrying it around. The mysterious trainer returns it to the pokeball. Then Paul puts the vulpix on the ground (?!). Mysterious trainer releases the vulpix, apparently at full strength. Finally, Daniel takes that vulpix as his own. You guys could have been clearer in depicting how many vulpix there were.

It was a good storyline for a first RP. I just wish you guys told me the whole story.

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 4/7

As said above, how did a loner end up in a team? How did he feel about that? I would have liked to hear more about what Kishk was thinking of the situation.

The word “dumbstruck” means, “so shocked as to be rendered speechless,” not trembling in fear. Make sure you look up words you’re not familiar with.

Posts were too short for my tastes. I would like to have seen more description of surroundings (were they in an abandoned warehouse? What did it look like?) and other details outside of battle posts.

Finally, I wanted a satisfying last post from Kishk. What happened to his broken ankle? Did he get a cast?

Battle: 3/5

You had a couple of battles in this RP, with much better much posts than those described above. My main complaint (this applies to everyone) was the lack of reaction from enemy pokemon. Since all Rpers were controlling them, everyone was responsible for putting some effort into the enemy side.

Total: 10/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 3/7

A lot of your posts were very short. Again, don’t be afraid to throw in more description. Let’s hear more of what Daniel is thinking about situations (what was he thinking when he challenged the trainer with the ninetales to a battle?) or people. Let’s see some emotion. Perhaps even reflection on a past RP?

Battle: 1/5

Sadly, battle posts weren’t any better. His poochyeana suffered no damage whatsoever, dodging every attack thrown at it. Four attacks in a row (three howls and bite) with no reaction from the ninetales. Even with the pidgey distracting it, you would think three howls would catch the ninetales’s (or the trainer’s) attention. For being practically invincible, I had to deduct major points.

Total: 7/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 5/7

Your posts were a little bit longer with a bit more detail than the others. They could have been longer (see others for suggestions). I would have liked a more satisfying last post for Paul to reflect on the RP.

Battle: 3/5

See Kishk’s battle grade for details.

Total: 11/15

Rank Points (for everyone): 125/175

As I said, it was a pretty simple mission, perfect for first-timers. It was pretty straightforward though; all they did was follow a trail of footprints right to the trainer. Interactions with the mysterious trainer were a bit too friendly, considering the trainer torched a section of a busy city sector and endangered who knows how many civilians. Though they had him on the ground and could have easily taken him to their base for questioning, the rebels challenge him to a battle. …What? They must have known he had this mighty ninetales, right?

Alternatively, the trainer should have resisted arrest, pulling out a pokemon for a battle. Had reasoning for the actions been given, I would have been more forgiving.

[ShinyTyphlosion]

Stopping the past is done.

RPers:
Paul Charbon - ShinyTyphlosion - Rebellion
Daniel Reeves - IceColdGlaceion - Rebellion
Vincent Lance - Vincent Lance - Aqua
Kishk Akrias - Kishk - Rebellion
Janette Fey - nuttyjigs - Magma


Summary: (Sorry, a tad long. I can't write small stories. I dunno what details I should skip. :/ )
When Team Aqua hit a large cache of fossils while mining for metals, they had enough to invade the city and force Magma and the Rebellion out if they could revive them. While they were busy trying to figure out how to resurrect the ancient Pokemon, both Magma and the Rebellion found out about it. Knowing Aqua had no idea how to revive them both teams sent rookies after the fossils thinking they had nothing to lose.

While Aqua command sent Vincent to see why the scientists hadn't reported back, the Rebellion and Magma planned where to search first. When Vincent arrived at the facility, he found the scientists still didn't know how to work the resurrection machines. Having a scientist as a father, he got one started for them. When the Rebellion arrived at a mine outside the city, they saw a building off in the distance that might be where they thought might be where they are reviving the fossils. Without going into to deep of though, the Rebellion storms the building making a fire in the process. The fire attracted Jan thinking it would have something to do with Aqua. She ran ahead towards it while her fellow team members were to scared of the fire and thought it would be best to stay away.

While Paul and Kishk kept the scientists busy, Daniel and Jan, not know of each other, had no problem sneaking around in the building. When Daniel found Vincent, who had just revived an Aerodactyl, he knew he had to force Aqua out of the building or risk them reviving all the fossils. He then wagered the building with them in a battle. When Paul and Kishk beat the scientists, the went into the building to help Daniel out. When they found him losing his battle, they quickly sent out their Pokemon to stop the battle and kick them out.

When the Aquas unwillingly left, Paul and Daniel when to set a trap for the fossil shipment. Mean while, Kishk found Jan hiding in the room and they battled. When Vincent returned to the Aqua base, he found out his superiors had sent only a bunch of rocks to the facility. When Kishk had almost defeated Jan, she panicked and ordered her Pokemon to attack Kishk so she can get away. After, he went out to look for Daniel and Paul who had trapped the shipment. On his way there he found an injured Shinx that he caught. When he got to Paul and Daneil, he found that they had all been conned and they received nothing but rocks.

[stbyleth]

Finish! Infiltration--No, Disobedience! is finished.

Participants:

• Benjamin Venefsukja. – The Mad Hatter (formerly Avec Plaisir). – Aqua.
• Lisey Hunter. – Arkie. – Magma.
• Terrence 'Beat' Braunstein. - Stasis Key. - Aqua.
• Crystal 'Crys' Chase. - Xantha. - Aqua.

This RP was meant for newbies, and to get a feel for RPing in Uprising. It was, essentially, a test run - and rather short. In the roleplay, it starts off with Benjamin with his squad. On his first mission, he is lost as to what to do. But to make up for it, he strays away from the squad. Finding a sole warehouse, he goes into it and gets caught up in a fight with the Magma, Lisey Hunter, on guard. Because they are both new trainers - though very determined - things end with hilarity. Benjamin's Gastly against Lisey's Trapinch. By this time, Lisey has called for backup. (The two Magma backups are played as NPCs, nameless.) Both Beat and Crystal have shown up by now as well. They both fight a Magma backup respectively, whilst Benjamin loses to Lisey. Crystal defeated a Magma; however, Beat lost to one. Lisey then sends out her Charmander; its Ember narrowly misses Benjamin and proceeds to set the boxes on fire accidentally. With chaos ensuing, the Aquas (who don't have any water pokémon; strange) pick up as many food ration boxes as possible. A beam falls as the building keeps burning, and the three Aquas proceed to stop fighting.

Beat's Aron clears a path for them through the fire. Lisey chases them, fails, and gives up, fleeing quickly from the scene of the crime. Benjamin practically hacks up his lungs, and Beat opens a box, finding nothing. Benjamin thinks up a lie to cover for their faults. He quickly checks his own boxes to figure out if there's anything in there; there is, and he is relieved. He picks up the boxes and flees, leaving the others behind for their own good.

(I had to end it a bit abruptly, because it was starting to drag on. Just the same, Lisey and I were finished and the others had not posted.)

This post has been edited by The Mad Hatter: Jul 2 2010, 01:26 PM

[Umbrae Calamitas]

I'll take this one on. Might be a week if things get too hectic, but I'll get it back asap.

[Toogee]

Review of “Stopping the Past”

I wasn’t particularly in love with this mission. It seemed way too easy to drive into Aqua territory and take the facility, even if it was a trap. Also, I noticed some serious power-playing in these battles. Power-playing is when you control an opponent so that all your attacks hit and you control how the opponent reacts. The defender is supposed to decide whether the attacks hit, not the attacker. IMO, that falls under godmodding. Grades will take a hit for this.

For future reference, do battles in PMs or IMs, then post them in 1-2 big posts. It will be easier to cooperate on what happens in a battle. It also might help if all of you played as NPCs for the others to fight. That way, someone (like ShinyTyphlosion) doesn’t get stuck battling by him/herself. Finally, you just need one bunny warning in the beginning to cover all other instances of bunnying.

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 6/7

I liked his desire for vengeance. It’s clear that helping Noverus isn’t enough for Paul; he wants to strike a blow against Magma. It’s a great example of foreshadowing his departure. Several of your posts were a bit short; it would have been nice to see Paul take a more active role in the mission.

Battle: 2/5

Other than the training and the battle with the scientist’s poliwag, Paul didn’t see too much battling. The battle he was in was rather short. Can’t award too much for this.

Total: 11/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3


Skill: 6/7

I liked the continuing rivalry between Daniel and Vincent. It’s a good relationship; to the point where they’re neglecting faction duties out of respect for their skills (shouldn’t they be arresting each other?). I would have liked to see some of those thoughts inside Daniel’s head about improving his tactics (as described in his profile). That being said, there is significant improvement from your last RP I graded.

Battle: 1/5

Your battle sections still need work. The evolution battle seemed a bit easy; it probably would have been better to save the evolutions for the mission, after a decent struggle. Grovyle cannot learn Leaf Blade until Lvl. 29, so stop using it until then. In addition, Daniel completely ignored the electric attack from Paul’s Mareep, which shocked all the humans in the room. Combined with the power-playing, your battle score suffered.

Total: 10/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 7/7

Again, I like the rivalry between Vincent and Daniel. I also liked the sprinklers acting as Rain Dance. It made sense with the fire going on near the entrance. The only thing I could think of improving would be Vincent’s interactions with Lanette. They seem to be a serious couple; I’d like that reflected in future RPs.

Battle: 3/5

Again, power-playing was a problem on your side too, though to a lesser degree.

Total: 13/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 5/7

I was not a fan of the crazy mood swing during the battle with Janette. He went from horny teen to murderous rage in a matter of seconds. It’s not like she killed his parents. During his raging moment, Kishk showed that he didn’t want to hurt the swablu, contrary to what your profile would suggest. It would have been better if he toned down the anger.

I’d like to see more development for Kishk. Maybe do some kid stuff (he’s still 14) or some sort of side story.

Battle:2/5

You can’t just throw a string of attacks and not give the defender a chance to react. That’s power-playing.

Total: 10/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 7/7

I like her attitude: thumbing her nose at authority. Note that Magma is a bit more structured than the Rebellion; many leaders wouldn’t take that kind of attitude lightly.

Battle: 3/5

See everyone else’s comments on power-playing.

Total: 13/15

RANK:

Rebellion: 135/175- I find it hard to believe that anyone can simply drive into Aqua territory without passing any sort of a checkpoint. Since you were in the vicinity of Kyogre’s Maw, you would think someone would notice all the smoke coming from the vicinity. Because it turned out to be a decoy, I didn’t deduct too many points.

Aqua: 175/175- With the exception of the NPC scientist, Vincent was basically fighting alone. Luckily, that’s what he was supposed to do. Rather than filling up the trucks with rocks, wouldn’t it have been wiser to fill it with Aquas to capture the Rebels? That would have made for an interesting RP for the Rebel members.

Magma: 135/175- Same reasons as the Rebels.

[Umbrae Calamitas]

Review for: Infiltration--No, Disobedience

A simple mission, gone horribly wrong. And all that poor food wasted.

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 5/7

The initial post in the RP dragged me in right away. I was immediately aware of the fact that I did not like Benjamin. This fact, this unadulterated loathing intrigued me and instantly made me want to read more, because disliking a character can often be even more interesting than liking them. Your first two posts introduced us to your character, his motives, and his first pokemon.

Unfortunately, once the interactions began, and the battle likewise, your posts became shorter and began to feel a little choppy, with jumping so quickly from one character to the next's post. This tends to make reading awkward. One way to handle this is to talk to your fellow RPers (or the one you're battling/interacting with at the moment, at least) and collaborate so that you each can have the others characters react in your post. It leads to longer posts and slightly easier flow.

The use of Icelandic in the posts was interesting, and I enjoyed reading it (and appreciate the translations). The interactions between Ben and Draugur were also fun to read. (Also, my favorite part was where Ben shouts "WHY!" in Icelandic to the sky.)

You had some errors with wrong words here and there, but it wasn't done overly much. The best thing I saw in your posts, and a personal favorite of mine to see, if how you continue to bring it all back to Benjamin's desire to destroy Magma and why. This is very important - his purpose is clearly who he is and what he does.

Battle: 4/5

The battle was amusing to read because of the clumsiness of Draugur and the general unsophisticated battling. It was very realistic for someone who had just joined a faction and wasn't accustomed to pitting their pokemon against another. It was, because of this, very fun to read. I do wish, however, that you had shown a bit of what Kraka was doing during his battle, rather than just calling him out and later recalling him.

Total: 12/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 3/7

Your initial post and Lisey's introduction was a lot of fun to read because of her indignation at being on patrol duty. Being stuck out in the rain, guarding a facility that is usually not being guarded, certainly can't be fun, and this drew me into the RP as much as TMH's initial post.

Unfortunately, after the first few posts, and once the battle started, the length of your posts dropped dramatically, until you were submitting posts that had only one paragraph. This cut your grade immensely, because there was little to read within these posts and, beyond what movements Lisey has made in battle, little for your fellow RPers to react to. As I said with TMH, it makes it choppy and unpleasant to read, and one of the best ways to handle this is to communicate with your fellow RPers and collaborate on posts so that they can be longer and fuller. Improvisation is fun, yes, but it loses some of its flare when there isn't flow.

Battle: 3/5

The battle was interesting to read, and I enjoyed the trapinch's complaints about not being able to continue to scrape at the floor. One problem I severely had was the fact that Lisey was able to use her arm after she had grabbed the gastly's tongue when he was moving to lick her trapinch. A gastly's lick attack will affect a human as much as a pokemon and Lisey rightly should have been paralyzed. I was amused by Lisey's clumsiness, however, and how you showed her as clearly being a rookie, what with dashing off to grab the battery-less radio in the midst of a battle.

Total: 9/15

Participation/Activity: 2/3

Skill: 5/7

You started a bit late into the RP and, when you began, I was wondering whose side you were on. Granted, anyone who reads the RP can go and look at your profile if they want, but they shouldn't have to. I was also left wondering, for some posts, what kind of pokemon Verdani was. For a time, I thought she was a growlithe.

Beat's sense of humor was a good deal of fun to smile at, and I enjoyed the good-sized posts. I also enjoyed the contemplations on his morals, and the mentioning of his appearance (the beads in his hair) in your posts.

There is a very noticeable inconsistency where you have Beat regretting leaving Verdani's pokeball at home, and then recall her in a later post.

Battle: 3/5

Having a poochyena get a numel in a headlock was amusing to imagine and I rather enjoyed Verdani's ferocity and willingness to battle. Unfortunately, the battle itself was rather short and not focused on a lot. I would have preferred that there be a bit more than that.

Total: 10/15

Participation/Activity: 2/3

Skill: 5/7

You also came into the RP a little late. Crystal introduced herself sneaking into the building after her squad, which let us know what side she was on, and you informed us in narrative about her various pokemon. I enjoyed the idiosyncratic nature of the swablu, singing her claws into Crystal's back in fear. One of the things I pondered was what, exactly, Crystal looked like. Beyond the bandana around her arm, you never describe her. What we learn of her is generally her personality through her actions, and little else. Perhaps a bit of work on the narrative descriptions, physical and beyond.

I liked how Crystal deferred into leaving Benjamin the leader because Beat was asking him for orders. It revealed a bit about her personality. You contradicted that quirk a little later, however, with having her think about telling the truth when she was "ordered" to lie.

Battle: 4/5

Crystal's battle was decent, if a little short. You focused on it while it was occurring, and you also had your pokemon get injured in the battle, as well, making it realistic in that the wounds go both ways.

Total: 11/15

Rank Experience

Aqua: 130/175

The mission itself was fairly simple. Infiltrate a storage facility guarded by one Magma grunt and nick some boxes. The problem was that the specific storage facility was basically revealed to be a hit or miss guessitmate. However, the three Aqua members all made it into the facility and went about their business of trying to steal some boxes, though they were unaware of what lay within them.

Unfortunately, they were initially stopped by the banter between a Lisey and Ben. Although the tables could have easily been taken in the favor of Aqua, the odds being 3 to 1, after a time, backup was called for, and things got hectic. Rookie clumsiness set fire to the building, the Magmas were defeated, and all of the PC characters escaped the flames. Although our Aqua trio grabbed a few boxes, at least one was empty, the rest burnt in the warehouse, and we're left wondering, exactly, who was the winner here, and whether the mission was a failure or success.

Magma: 130/175

The mission should have been simple: guard a facility that is usually never guarded from Aqua thieves. Unfortunately, the cat dragged in three Aqua grunts and Lisey was quickly outnumbered and sucked into a bantering match with the trio's self-proclaimed leader. She managed to call for backup while battling the one member, but failed to stop them from getting some of the boxes.

It was the mis-aimed attack of her charmander, ordered to attack the Aqua member rather than his pokemon, that started the fire that would raze the facility to the ground. Although Lisey escaped, we're left wondering if, having failed her mission, there is a rank below Grunt, and what's going to happen to her if there isn't.

Final Point of Advice: "Communication is key."

Talk to your fellow RPers, plan, and work together to collaborate some posts or reactions. Things go smoother and it's more fun.

[Rasu]

Codename: River Capture has come to a complete stop. Lux left GTS and I couldn't find anyone else so it's gotta be done with.

Seriously, this RP is so short it's not even worth grading, really. The general plot was meant to be a simple mission of capturing water pokemon to the rookies, along with some battles, but after 14 post (2 by CandyCorn who left after the second) it died.

So yeah,

Andrew Simons - Tysm
Loyal Harper - Lux Cruxis

Nothing interesting happened.

Oh and if possible could someone put my character on the Dead Profiles? Same explanation as the PANE one, bland character = Boredom.

[Master Houndoom]

I am going to be generous: I will award both you and Lux (should he decide to return again) eight levels a piece for your pokemon. Why is this important now, since you have essentially asked us to remove your character? Because should you decide to remake (as implied by your request), you get half of your existing levels ported to the new character. So essentially, your new character will have 4 more levels than s/he might have other wise.

I am disappointed when such things hapen, but I am a firm believer that real life trumps games of any sort. I hope you and Lux continue to play at your earliest possible convenience.

TYSM: 8/15
Lux Crucius: 8/15

[knil1]

Dança da Morte is done.
Due to inactivity, the RP is submitted.

• knil1 - Jened "Sol" Tenkuu - Rebel
  
• Kamaitachi - Kanoa Kaipo - Magma
• Eremol - Julian Dreggs - Magma
  
• citation needed - Terrence 'Beat' Braunstein - Aqua
• The Mad Hatter - Benjamin Venefsukja - Aqua
• Tekno - Khezu Moga - Aqua

Some people planned to do battles towards the end (assumption was that the spies would get caught and battles ensue).
It basically just lasted too long and became uninteresting. Not to mention, lack of responses show lack of activity.

Began: June 14, 2010
Ended: October 3, 2010

(lol, yeah, I would say 3.5 months is a long time...)

[rt117]

New Recruits Mission: A Snag in the Plan is as close to finishing as it's ever going to be. While being close to the end it's incomplete/

According to the originally planned ending, they do fail the mission, but in exchange obtain a set of plans for a prototype Pokeball. I believe Daniel was also supposed to capture his Rotom in this RP as well, though if he isn't going to come back I'm not sure if that matters.

An overview of the members:
rt117: Violet Hunter (Rebel; joins faction partway through)
Protoman: Richie Palmer (Rebel)
Daniel Morgan: Daniel Morgan (Rebel)

Start Date: Feb 3, 2010
End Date: October 6th (last post date was July 17, 2010)
Total # of posts: 44

Summary:
Richie and Daniel are assigned a mission to steal at least one sample of Secret Potion from Team Magma's warehouse by Friday at 6PM. Violet (who is unsure at the point) makes it rather clear that she wants to help the pair. However an accident occurs during the mission where Daniel's Pokemon are stolen by Magma through prototype Pokeballs, and Violet is sent to the hospital as a result of Magma Houndour attacks. Once everyone manages to recover, Violet manages to convince Richie to become a member of the Resistance, and Daniel's past life conflicts with his current, resulting in the return of his Pokemon. The group makes one final attempt, sloppy as it is, but while not returning with a Secret Potion they instead manage to grab a set of plans for the Pokeball used against Daniel's Ghost Pokemon, which allows for the capture of trainer's Pokemon.