[X] My Assistant

[Mars Adept Enten]

I decided to play Minish Cap again, and I forgot how funny some of Ezlo's early-game dialogue is. Some of my fave bits:

Hey! Hey! Stop twirling around like that! You're giving me the spins, kid!

Man, I could really go for a nice, hot bath right now... Huh?! What's that?! You'd send me to the cleaners!? What makes you think you can treat me like common laundry, huh?

Sweet jumping jellyfish, that was awful! Hey kid, what are you smiling about? I knew it was madness to risk our lives in that rickety human contraption! From now on, let's just stick to our feet! Well, I mean... your feet.

You're so energetic all the time... Not that I'm saying you're hyperactive or anything! I meant it as a compliment! Like... you've got a special talent for being WAY too peppy or something.

So hungry... Rrrrrumble rumble... !!! That wasn't my stomach!! It must've been the wind or something!

Mmmmnumumummm... Oh, I couldn't eat another bite... Let's take the rest home... Wha--! Oh my! Was I talking in my sleep or something? How odd... Mmmmnumumummm...

There's a lot more I can quote, but those'll have to wait.

[Kerosene Zanchu]

Shadow from the game Shadow the Hedgehog:

Where is that [censored] fourth Chaos Emerald!?!?!?

Tails at the end of Sonic Colors after Sonic said Tails did nothing through the journey:

"Good job to you on inventing a translator that allowed us to speak to the aliens and figure out exactly what we needed to do so we weren't running around the park looking like idiots. Oh no wait, that was me."

[Lars Neil]

JUMPING JESUS ON A POGO STICK.

[Kerosene Zanchu]

"FLYING JESUS JUST CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET!"
-PewDiePie after a dead body comes flying out of a closet in Amnesia.

[Lars Neil]

Besides the jumping Jesus thing...


"STEPHANOOOOO!"

"BARRELS!!"

[Eryth]

Dangan Ronpa has some excellent ones.

Naegi: Can high school students even participate in the stock market?
Togami: My name is Byakuya Togami.
Naegi: (Was that an answer to the question?)

Naegi: Inside his underpants...you put your hand in there?!
Kirigiri: They're just underpants. It's not like I put my hand inside his socks...
Naegi: (I can't understand her standards...)
(they were talking about a dead body, by the way)

Togami: Are you late because you forgot how to walk? You need to alternate your left and right legs in order to move forward.

And this is hilarious out of context.

This post has been edited by Touko Fukawa: Apr 14 2013, 09:44 PM

[The Shadow]

"Great, the girl is kidnapped, I'm in a hotel with no power... Bad guys everywhere... I swear to god if a zombie jumps out from around the corner..."

~Drake, Uncharted 2

[Myuberry]

Portal 2 has LOTS


"Hey buddy, I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing!"

---

"AHH! You look terr-- uhh, good. Looking good, actually."

---

"Most test subjects do experience some, uh, cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage."

---

"Hello? Do you see the portal gun? And also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first. Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive, and I'll wait for you up ahead. I'll wait one hour, then I'll come back, and assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright, brilliant. Go team!"

---

"Look at you soaring majestically through the air. Like an eagle... piloting a blimp."

---

"Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noise-- *train horn* I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact."

---

"This next test involves turrets. You remember them right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait, that's you in five seconds."

---

"I honestly, truly didn't think you'd fall for that. If I'd have known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I'd have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling."


We could be here all day if I put all of them here haha.

[Dorito Ninja]

*Watching the Game Grumps playing Pokemon Emerald when EgoRaptor comes across a wild Whismur*

EgoRaptor: Holy shit it's a Whismur!

JonTron: OH it's a Pumbloom!

*Pause*

Ego: Do you remember the episode where Ash caught a Pumloom?

Jon: Dude...

Ego: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MoonSpider]

Seiko: "Hey, Naomi? You have any of that a** medicine on you? You know, the smeary stuff? My butt's been drier than the desert since we've got here."

*gives it to her*

Seiko: "I'm gonna go butter up my pooper real good with this stuff! Yaaay!"

Naomi: "....have you no shame at all?"

Seiko Shinohara, Naomi Nakashima, Corpse Party: Blood Covered - Repeated Fear

This post has been edited by MoonSpider: Apr 30 2013, 07:42 PM

[Persephone]

Pretty much the whole Ace Attorney series is a collection of funny quotes and conversations.

Grossberg: Unnngh... It feels like my hemorrhoids are doing the Harlem Shake!

Phoenix: [hits his desk] ...
Judge: Yes, Mr. Wright?
Phoenix: I was hoping I'd come up with a question while pounding on my desk.
Phoenix: I didn't.
Judge: ...
Judge: You have my sympathies.
Edgeworth: *OBJECTION!*
Edgeworth: ...
Judge: Yes, Mr. Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: I was hoping to come up with a question while I was objecting, Your Honor...
Edgeworth: I didn't.
Judge: I see... Very well.
Edgeworth: *OBJECTION!*

Phoenix: Don't freak out but... there's been a murder!
Ini: ...a murder? That's like... uhh... what are the words I'm looking for... a total bummer.

Butz: I wasn't dumped! She just wasn't taking my phone calls. Or seeing me... Ever.

Butz: We were great together! We were Romeo and Juliet, Cleopatra and Mark Anthony!
Phoenix: (Um... didn't they all die?)

Judge: If you wish to hang yourself, Mr. Wright, you're welcome to, but not inside my courtroom.

April: I like a man with a big... vocabulary.

Maya: Look, a ladder!
Phoenix: That's a "step"-ladder.
Maya: So? What's the difference? You need to stop judging things based on narrow-minded cultural assumptions, Nick!
Phoenix: R-right... sorry. (This girl is OUT there!)

Edgeworth: So, you've come to laugh at the fallen attorney? Then laugh, laugh! Well? Why aren't you laughing?
Maya: Nick… Should we be laughing?
Phoenix: Nah. It's a trick. Laugh and he'll get mad… or burst into tears. Edgeworth. We don't have so much free time we can spend it coming down here to laugh at you.
Edgeworth: … Yes you do.
Phoenix: (Actually, he's right.)

Phoenix: Mr. Wellington loves large bananas!
Judge: ...
Payne: ...
Wellington: ...
............
Maya: Uh, Nick... I hope you've noticed the icy glares we're getting from everyone in here!
Judge: Wh-What in the world do you mean?
Wellington: I'll have you know I like strawberries much better than bananas.

Phoenix: Difficult-looking legal books stand in a formidable row. They mock me. I tried reading one, and it made my head hurt. When I closed it, it slipped out of my hand. Then my foot hurt too.

Mia: Mr Wright. you've been lying to me!
Phoenix: PLEEEEASE FORGIVE MEEEEE!
Grossberg: Mia! You made our client cry!
Mia: Let him! That 'P' on his shirt doesn't even stand for 'Phoenix' anyway!

Detective: Can't you shut down the station's server? Chief! Quit playing on the Internet!
Chief: But my e-mail pen pal, 1337aZnPrInceSz!
Detective: Save it for later! I'm turning it off NOW!
Chief: Noooo! 1337aZnPrInceeeeeSz!!

Maya: Umm, would you mind taking a look at this?
Basil: I'm sorry. That data is SuPer-Admin Restricted Desktop Access password-protected.
Maya: SuPer-Admin Restricted Desktop Access password-protected!? What? This is madness!
Phoenix: No, Maya, that is SPARDA.

Fawles: Dahlia. My girlfriend. My love. My Teen Angel.
Mia: (Ugh. Did he actually say, "My Teen Angel"? He's seen one too many soap operas.)
Armando: Your "Teen Angel"...? How old was she anyway?
Fawles: Just 14...
Mia: F-F-Fourteen!? (I guess you were robbing cradles before diamonds...)

Iris: I... I didn't want Mr. Wright to fall into its grip.
Edgeworth: (Well he wound up falling into something much deeper and colder... I probably shouldn't say that out loud, though. Thank god for inner monologue.)

Ema: Why can't we have a normal, straightforward killing once in awhile in this country!?

Valant: Alaka.....alaka......ALAKAZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMG

Edgeworth: Hm? Looking from behind.... I think I've seen this man somewhere before...
Passenger: OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM! In Soviet Russia, World Flags Lunchboxe eat j00! Urrrr....Nnnn....F... ( Found it! LAWL!! Ooh! I feel a wave of CR34T1V3 POW3RZ coming ON! It's over 9000!!! LULZ! For my next L33T movie, it's gonna be "The Steel Samurai: Warrior of Neo Olde Tokyo"... versus "The World Samurai: Champion of the Earth"! It's gonna r0x0rz so many b0x0rz!

Edgeworth: So that window on the other side belongs to the men's restroom...
Franziska: ... I can't see it.
Edgeworth: At your height? I'm not surprised.
Franziska: ......!
(Franziska whips Edgeworth)
Edgeworth: Nnghoooooooh! (I guess short people have feelings too!)

There are TONS more and I'm too lazy to remember them.

[jayrachi]

From Fallout: New Vegas, when talking to Veronica:

You: I have some questions to ask you.
Veronica: He was dead when I got there, I swear!

I love Veronica's sarcasm.

[nitrodog96]

If computer games count, then I would say it's in Escaping the Prison (the Henry Stickmin series):

Lawyer: While he was in the bag, he was knocked out. BY THIS VERY WITNESS!
Witness: Wha?!
Lawyer: He knew he needed a way to dispose of the body, so he dropped the bag at the side of the road, knowing he would drive by it later.
Bad Guy Lawyer (i don't know, call him whatever): Dis iz absurd.
Lawyer: Ignoring that interruption, when he did, he convinced his partner to pick the bag up and put it in the vault with the rest. There were tons of bags in there, so it would've taken forever to find him. But unfortunately for the witness, the victim woke up and escaped the bag, setting off an alarm. The authorities assumed he was trying to rob a bag, and he was sent to jail on a wrong assumption. It's certainly come back to haunt the witness now.
Witness: But-he-wha-how-he-but-wha-THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO MEEEEEEE!!!!

If computer games don't count, well, darn, I don't know. Haven't really found any funny quotes that I can remember, other than maybe my rival saying "If you're late, I'm fining you 100000000 PokéDollars!" in Diamond/Pearl.

This post has been edited by Tartii: Jun 21 2013, 05:33 PM

[Gorgon]

"Here lies Scout. He ran fast and died a virgin." Spy domination line over a Scout from Team Fortress 2.
"They should call you Dr. Noooo!" Spy domination line over a Medic.
"Would you like a second opinion? You are also ugly!" Medic. Pretty sure it's a domination line of some sort.
"Well, off to visit your mother!" Another Spy-over-Scout domination line.
"Welcome to the United States of YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED!" Soldier says this one.

Demyx: And maybe while you catch those hearts, I can catch a few z's...
Roxas: What?
From KH 358/2 Days. Oh Demyx.

Then there's always "Do a barrel roll!"...

[Wastelander]

There's some gold stuff in Assassin's Creed 2, my favorite being when Ezio Auditore says he has "Plenty of outlets" -- his mother's response was just perfect!

[Mars Adept Enten]

Oh, Elements, I can't believe I forgot these:

Final Fantasy IV Advance

*when Cecil can't quite say what he wants to say to Rosa*
Cid: Be a man! Spit it out!
(I can't remember the first part BML.)

*after defeating Cagnazzo, the Drowned King*
Cid: Someone's gonna get a complimentary face-beating for locking me up in that sty!
(I don't remember if this is verbatim or not. )

Final Fantasy V Advance

*when Bartz is still trying to avoid traveling with Lenna to the Wind Shrine after having saved her twice*
Galuf: As if you don't have the hots for the little missy!

*upon finding out that Faris is a girl in the Ship Graveyard*
Galuf: Oh my stars and comets, he's a she!

[myrsyli]

Haha, there are too many quotes I'd love to pick from Portal 1 and 2. The dialogue is too hilarious in every way, but at the moment all I can think of is Wheatley's monologue in the beginning of chapter 9. Ponies and boy bands and everything. “Oh, hi. So, how are you holding up? Because I'm a potato!”

And you just gotta love Cave Johnson: "“All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager!"

I don't know if it's a funny one or not, but I can't help laughing every time I hear "Jason! Jaaaasoooon!"-screams from Heavy Rain...

(League of Legends has some treasures too. :D Vladimir (a vampire) for example; "Go on, be negative, you'll be just my type".)

[TemptingTomorrow]

This very very very old game called Stubbs the Zombie. "I like my vadca brown, but when it comes from a zombies pants pocket, I'll stick to beer."

Cracks me up. Message me if you don't get it, but older people should understand.

Oh and another one: "I prefer my zombies female, so I can kill them in swag without getting arrested."

[Yuno Gasai]

[DragonDoesMinecr...]

This will only be funny to people who understand it. Then again, it's not really that funny.
From the Grox in Spore:
"EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"